i still love the scent of rain

today is hikmah’s birthday. i just spoke to her on the phone. as usual, i had That Feeling that creeps up on you and hits you smack in your gut. owch. That Feeling is telling me that i really miss her. it’s not just because we share a multitude of memories (most of which, culinary-related, hehe) and life’s lessons after living together for three years but also because, at the crux of it, she really is a beautiful person and a true friend. i wrote her a card once saying that she’ll be the one thing i’ll be saddest to leave behind when i end my whole internationalundergradinmelbourne experience. i think i totally jinxed myself with that one alright. it’s turning out to be too true.

anyway, hikmah dear, if you’re reading this, happy happy happy birthday… =) with your humility, patience and big heart, i know you’ll be more than ok.  at 23, you are already what women of even older ages are still aspiring to be. peace in your mind, heart and surroundings–these are what i pray for you.

i was looking through all the photos i have in my computer today. i realized that considering the amount of time we spent and the number of places we’ve been to together, we dont have that many pictures of just the two of us. see. that comes from being camera zealots–we’re both too busy taking the photos! even when we take group photos, we’d often be at opposite ends because we would be setting our cameras on self timer before making that quick dash to our designated positions. but i do have this:

=)  Tasmania trip 2005, in the car, somewhere on the street of Hobart. in fact, i think we were on our way to the Cadbury Chocolate Factory.

x    x    x    x    x

one weekend surfing and the next spent with ridwan–i’m experiencing a luxurious feeling of being well-rested and rejuvenated, which, one the one hand is making me think "PBLs, practicals, tutorials, revision–bring it oonnn!" but on the other, is still holding down bits of my brain in a quasi-holiday mode. if that makes any sense to any of you. i dont even understand my own mood swings.

come, let me do a publicity stunt for my new abode, after discovering it a little more with ridwan. there is of course Rundle Mall (and Rundle Street) which is like Dandenong Plaza in the form of Bourke Street. but the only thing that caught our attention was Nandos.

to our joy (yes, we can be that simple), we found two overtly halal restaurants on Hindley Street, though i did my research (ie. a few minutes of googling) later and found out there are a few more scattered around the city.  yay! i will not go hungry! we patronized a 24hour charming little old-fashioned pancake parlour tucked in a corner.

also recommended, just to waste some time away, are this Jetty Road and the other Jetty Road. walk an appetite up along the coast in the 5km in between. Adelaide has miles of the prettiest yet most accessible beaches.

Australia’s festival city is having both its Art and Fringe Festivals at the moment, along with, later this weekend, Womad. we caught the opening act of the Festival of Arts on Sunday night. although, yes, it was a very very pretty performance, the tendency to over intellectualize in art becomes poignant when a little girl sitting behind us broke the silence amongst the audience by exclaiming, "mommy, the story doesnt make sense!" she was referring to the narration that accompanied the dance. so painfully honest but so cute.

=)

by the way, if you’re wondering, uni’s been good so far, other than the nagging voice in my head saying "thou shall must work harder, lazy ass." i’m growing more and more distressed by the sheer volume of FACTS there is to learn, but i take that as a good sign. distress is good, fear is beneficial when it leads to effort, yes?  =)  but i guess i represent the sentiment of many of my peers when i say that the clinical aspects are still the most enriching and enjoyable. there’s no source of motivation like being in the wards. i’m looking forward to my ER shift.

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(Lalaland exists!)

i met up with my uncle last night for dinner. he flew in to Adelaide earlier in the day. he’s a flight steward with SIA and has been so for more than a decade. he’s really really sweet but he’s still single. he’s in his early thirties. (any takers?) (i really shouldnt be doing this on the net. bad niece!) he flew off to Singapore this morning. (but i’ve got his number if you’re interested.) (haha.)

anyway. my mum packed me a little Care Pack, which he helped bring over. among other things, i’ve got PINEAPPLE TARTS! i never mentioned it to my mum that i was craving it a few weeks ago but as usual, she knows. i love my mummy. even if it’s scary how well she knows me. and even if we quarrel and snap at each other and hug crying two days after. i cant wait to be a mum. but then i’m sure she’ll spoil my kids just to bug me  :)  ah well. such is life.

my uncle and i spent hours catching up. it’s not like we dont meet when we’re in Singapore. but, all the way in another continent, it’s nice to sit in a cafe and chill with family, because no one else will understand when we speak of the marriages and births and deaths and holidays and all the other goods and bads we share. it’s also heart-warming to have him converse with me as an adult and yet find him ruffling my hair like i’m his little kid niece (which I am!).

but no, my previous pseudocryptic plagiaristic post wasnt about him. ridwan’s coming to visit. so i know, from now monday till i pick him up at the airport on friday, my brain’s just gonna be in Lalaland. 

If I could reach up and hold a star

for every time you’ve made me smile,

the entire evening sky

would be in the palm of my hand.

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all of us carpooled (in several cars) to Middleton Caravan Park on Friday. we just chilled most of the evening away, eating a barbeque dinner and sitting in circles on the grass chatting long after the grill was switched off. we shared a whole row of cabins. really. like communal living, we shared. i slept in Cabin 1, took my showers in Cabin 3, food was in the fridge of Cabin 5… i liked it, though. all doors kept open.

mais and i woke up fresh on the beautiful saturday morning. most of the others were still in bed after their late night and copious amounts of alcohol. the two of us walked down down the road, past a small town local produce market, to a cafe to have a huge, wholesome breakfast. it was good stuff–we both had eggs, grilled tomatoes, toast and OJ. plus, cuppacino for me and chai for her.

the rest of the day was spent at the beach, playing beach cricket and beach rugby or just sitting around, talking. i felt so absolutely like the islander that i am. everyone was slathering on the sunscreen, yet some still got burnt. meanwhile, it seems i’ve got enough melanin to withstand it all. i just explained to them that i’m from Singapore and long long ago, we were fishermen  =)  i dont even think i tanned very much.

and then there’s little ella. my classmate, james brought his wife, karen, and his daughter, ella along to the trip. of course, everyone simply doted on this child. i still cant get over the fact something this cute is actually alive.

i can only picture her on the Cabbage Patch shelves of Toys ‘R’ Us.

my group’s surf slot was actually 3 to 5–sungguh tak puas! the lesson itself was no longer than 15 minutes and then, we were off to ride the waves! to be honest, i didnt think i could do it. i mean, 15 minutes of "ok, this is how you paddle, this is how you stand, this is how you balance. if you’re drifting off to sea, dont panic, the waves will bring you back. right, let’s have a little jog and do some warm-up stretches. then everyone, get their boards." and off we went.

but it was awesome! the rush that comes from standing on that board while it cruises on a wave! the first few times i actually managed to balance myself successfully, i was genuinely surprised lah! it was such a high. i wanna do it all again!

surfing. highly recommended.

we had dinner at the local tavern that night. after that half of us proceeded to have more copious amounts of alcohol at the bar. i, like the other half, just wanted to crawl into bed after a great day.

my shoulders are still just a little sore. but life feels reeeaaally good. it feels so fine, i cant control my brain… hip HIP!

haha. ok, i still am leaving for a weekend away tomorrow after class but i really feel like it (ie. blogging instead of studying. or packing for that matter.). see, i just walked into the other kitchen and i saw W and X having dinner together. mais has been telling me about it, she sees them there each night. but tonight, i saw them with my own eyes. therein lies the difference. X, as i have mentioned before, is a most bashful young man. and W, is one of the sweetest young ladies to walk the earth. she’s doing nursing. it suits her so well!

anyway, there they were, sitting across each other at the dining table having their daily meal with a bottle of wine in between. mais said they have wine everyday. love is in the air, no?  = )  it’s only because they’re both so shy and gentle that i’m finding this whole arrangement so saccharine.

Y is frustrated with the admin staff at his faculty again. so i had to listen to him rant about it for the past hour. but well, he gives me candy and such once in a while so i guess it’s not so bad being his therapist.

Z, the gutteral/pubic one, is flying home for good this saturday. mais will be moving into his room then, which means we’ll be closer to each other. i noticed the gutteral sounds have truly exarcebated of late. like mais puts it, he does it so loudly and so much, you dont just hear it anymore. you damn picture it in your head! oh so clearly. not just audio, man. it’s AUDIO VISUAL! however, the status of the pubes have improved. at least we know, from the inverse proportionality, unlike a cat, he’s definitely not coughing up hair balls. but we’re all cool. we got him a farewell card and gift eventhough his noises will not be missed. he’s a really nice guy though.

mais and i went shopping just now because we’re so berkobar-kobar about our trip. heh. we got sunscreen for obvious reasons, plus some other stuff we might need for the trip. i’m getting excited! i think i’m over my shark/drowning/skin cancer paranoia. but! pssst. i’m freaked out about tampons  =(  do i really have to use them? i’ve used them twice in my life and those were not without drama, ok. terpaksa punya pasal. i got a couple from one of the O Week packages, you know how they’re always giving out tampons and condoms and lubs. i just read the instructions that come with the tampon and i’m like, what if i die of toxic shock syndrome??? what if it gets stuck in me and i’m just too freaked out to pull it out??? the thing is, i’m sure the instructions were phrased as carefully as possible but it does nothing to pacify my what-ifs.

when i grow up (more), i want two cats named Iffy and Dodgy.

only thing i’m looking forward to more than a surf weekend is one spent with ridwan 

oklah. must study already.

leaving after class tomorrow.

back on sunday.

so yesterday, while i was pouring my cereal and milk into a bowl for breakfast, my housemate, Y, told me there was going to be a Skyshow in the city. my first reaction was, "like, aeroplanes?" i wasnt particularly interested. to which, he answered, "no, fireworks." which still didnt move me. till he added, "public transport is free from 3pm to midnight." the cheap side of me melted immediately.

i just realized, i havent really written about any of my housemates. well, there are mais and shumaila–we have the same classes so we are practically and inevitably around one another all the time. then there are 5 others, V,W,X,Y and Z. i know their names and where they’re from and what they’re studying. i just dont trust the internet.

i dont see much of V, W and X because they’re sort of on the other side of the house and they use the other kitchen and bathrooms. although, if i may say so, X, is a little of a curiousity. he looks guilty each time he crosses your path, like he doesnt want to be found. and then he waves a hint of a wave and rides off on his motorbike. but i guess he’s just sweet and shy. has startling blue eyes, that one. it was the first thing i noticed about him.

most of the time, i meet Y and Z. in fact, i share my kitchen and bathroom with them. they’re friendly and neat. but both prevent me from sleeping in later than 9 because Z sings emo songs in a foreign language while Y makes strange gutteral noises in the bathroom. both of these sounds are capable of waking me up from the sweetest of dreams. i repeat, they are neat (thank god) but at least one of them leaves a lot of pubic hair in the shower, which, of course, is like, so gross.

i shed, you shed, we all shed. well, i shed the hair on my head in particular but i always use the shower head to drain it all into the waterhole before i step out of the shower. but i also find myself having to do the same thing to Y/Z’s pubic hair before stepping in. it’s curly and long so i know it’s not the hair on their heads. i’m thinking the culprit is Z, The Gutteral One, because i once saw one strand of hair of the same length and curl stuck to the side of his shampoo bottle. but one should not point fingers at others…

in any case, i rented this room with every intention of spending the next couple of months looking around for an awesome place. insya Allah! this is comfy for now, but come june, i want a HOME.

anyway, Z told me about the Skyshow at Bonython Park. i decided to go.

in the morning, i went to the Central Market in the city with Mais. i came back, had a late lunch/early dinner and went out again at 5:30 with Shumaila. ohmygodthecrowdwasunbelievable! there were so many people! there were a couple of local bands but shumaila and i werent into any of them so we went off in search of food. she got chips and i got a Mexican Spud. i love my food (my landlord curses me each morning when he sees me eat breakfast by saying, "elia! you should be fat!" well, i am chubby as it is.) my spud was soooo goooood– a huge hot baked potato topped with beans in spicy salsa, cheese, butter and sour cream.

suddenly! all the lights went off followed by 20 minutes of carefully chereographed fireworks. saya ada video tapi malas nak upload kat castpost. the sky was ablaze with colour and specks of glitter that look like falling stars. so pretty! so pretty! so pretty! i don’t know why, but i felt like a little kid! i think what i liked most about it was that it was "simulcast to a mind-blowing soundtrack".

it was all merry (yet a tad annoying) when the teenagers in the crowd were singing along to the pop, dance and rock songs at the start. at one point, they were absolutely hollering along to BEP’s Where is the Love? but the fireworks were making such cute red heart shapes (yes, heart shapes!) in the sky, i forgave them.

then, the songs began to get mellow. the crowd, though not absolutely quiet, became more settled. i could hear the teenagers quieten down unless they were whispering, "woooww…" to each other. (finally!) (sometimes, i forget i was really young once. not very long ago.) couples of all ages were holding each other. those that came with families were huddled on a single blanket. the expression on the faces of little kiddies was priceless.

they had picked bright, white fireworks for Missy Higgin’s Sound of White. ok, maybe it’s the other way round. in any case, it was beautiful. my favourite was the very end… when the show had been built up to a climax and the sky looked absolutely stunning, all sparkly and illuminated. my whole view was filled with fireworks. then, with the last lines of Coldplay’s Fix You in the background, everything faded away like shooting starts falling in slow motion.

week two? check.

it’s picking up speed, i like it. i’m just reminding myself to work hard but not overdo it coz i dont want to run out of steam. pace–thats what i’m trying to do. but thats with regards to content and skill. it’s the emotions that i’m still grapling with. at the end of the day today, i was crying again. seven patients so far, with two moving me to tears. (i only allow myself after i’ve left them, of course.) in any case, statistically, it aint lookin to good.

i went straight from the ward to the library, where i sat across the table from jeremy, the sweetest guy in my PBL group. he asked me whats wrong and i sighed, “what if i’m not made for this job? my heart breaks each time i see them.” of course, i wasnt seriously serious. if anything, i guess these are the very patients that make me go on reading the pages off Boron or Guyton when i’m yawning my jaws off in the middle of the night.

ok. enough of the pensive, mellow stuff. i’m riding the learning curve and–what can i say?–these add to the ups and downs.

on the other side of the coin, as i left one patient today, i heard the guy in the bed next to him exclaim, “how come you got the pretty one?!!”, which, in spite of myself, made me smile. you would too! i wasnt meant to hear that of course. but the corridors were so quiet and i hadnt gone far from the door. i’m more inclined to think that perhaps the other three men in the room could have had male medical students talking to them.

i’ve got quite a bit of work to get through this weekend. next weekend, i’m going surfing! to be honest, i’m soooooo scared lah! everything from drowning to sharks to skin cancer (i’m thinking PAST sunburns, ok.) but i gotta push my boundaries a little more yeah?

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waiting to see you smile again!  =)