i still love the scent of rain

it’s been a good week. ok, it’s only thursday but so far so good. i’m looking forward to catching Harry Potter (!!!) tomorrow, albeit having to sit for an exam in the morning. plus! ridwan’s not working at all this weekend–the first for a long time.

even work yesterday was good: for the simple reason that the child i was assessing was fine  =)  all these kids with psychiatric disorders are just depressing me, seriously. there’s only so much i can take. anyway, yesterday’s kid’s dad was concerned that he (the kid, duh) has ADHD and requested an assessment. well, to cut to the chase, after the series of testsobservationsandinterviews, i personally reckon the kid, though a little on the active, energetic side, is pretty much a normal little boy! yippee!for some reason that conclusion made me really really happy.

you know, after talking to so many parents and kids in the course of my job, i’ve been wondering more than before what kind of parent i’ll be. i know there are a couple of traits that i definitely do not want to have as a mum, as well as a couple of others i aspire to achieve. i think of my mum/dad and my relationship with them and look at ME as a product of their upbringing. theoretically, if i want my kids to turn up like me, i’d do as my parents did, ya? but of course, i want them to turn out way better, cooler, smarter, nicer than me, i want them to be the streetsmart, kindsouled, children-of-the-earth types so… that means i gotta do a hell of a lot, don’t i? and i’ve been wondering where exactly i wanna bring them up. was talking about it with The Boy after work yesterday. he’ll be such a cool dad, seriously. note to self: must fight for The Cooler Parent status.

After Work yesterday was good too! we took a drive to St Kilda after dinner where we parked and shared gelato (i’ve never had so much gelato in one week) while strolling by the cafes, clubs and quaint shops of St Kilda. for the 42965724th time, it felt like we were having an extended honeymoon yet again. i think we should travel. in fact i think we should try make it a point to travel and live and work in different cities until we get sick of it. and then we should stick to one place and have an MPV-load of babies… who’ll hopefully grow up into those streetsmart, kindsouled, children-of-the-earth types.

drove past Bedouin Kitchen on our way back to Clayton. we’re definitely coming back for a meal. plus, must take The Boy to Sophia. and must visit the Moroccan Soup Bar at least once more before relocating.

x  x  x

it’s officially first day of summerrrrr today. it’s a hot 34 degrees out. one load of washing’s already dry and another’s on the lines. i love hanging out the clothes to dry. just something zen and calming about it. the sunshine, music, fresh scent and chuckles of the children in the next door childcare centre just add to the appeal.

hot weather here makes you wanna wear sunnies and rub on a bit of sunscreen and see places and eat gelato and take pictures. or maybe it’s just me. i’m soooo affected by the weather. it’ so random, as mark haddon’s christopher puts it, i know. i could never live in the nordic lands. meanwhile, the downside of summer are the flies and crickets.

x   x   x

results are out. i havent got them all since i’m still sitting for a paper tomorrow. but i’m pleasantly surprised with what i have got. in the words of harper lee, there was "nothing to fear but fear itself". the excitement of next year is beginning to creep in now…

ok. ok. back to studying.

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so, i’ve spoken to my boss about aborting my Honours project as well as to my lecturer regarding the mid-sem. already it feels like a significant part of the load off my chest. i’ve still got another lecturer to call and have a chat with regarding marks and stuff. plus, out of courtesy, i really should ring the neurologist to inform him that i’m withdrawing from the project. i wonder when i’ll actually be getting my results for this semester… the others are getting theirs on the 1st of Dec.

insya Allaah, i’m sitting for the abovementioned paper this friday. this friday–also the day that i’ll be catching the latest Harry Potter movie with the Strawberry Patch kids. also the day that the weather forecast predicts to be sunny. between the exam and the movie, i might just find myself soaking up the sun somewhere in this quirky, beautiful city. i’ve had a drought with my phototaking for the most part of this year. i’ve got the itch to get back on it.

right now it does seem like life’s good (again) and falling into place. i just gotta hang in there for… less than a month more actually. and then. and then i’ve got a exciting, fresh start to look forward to, insya Allaah.

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i’m blogging at work. again. plus! i’m blogging twice in one day. this time the excuse reason is that i’m waiting for The Other Computer to be available coz it’s the only one with the software to analyze the results for one of the psych tests. anyway. anyway. anyway.

i just went to my boss’ office to have A Chat with him (no, my first reaction to The Other Computer not being available was not to log on to This One and blog). but daayymmn he aint in. i saw him after lunch. well, i saw his back as he was closing his office door behind him. but after i put my bag down and went to his office, he was gone. now he’s gone again. where is he? this is important–i need to talk to him. this is causing me unnecessary additional (di)stress.

i think my semester is dragging on for too long. i am thisclose to a b-r-e-a-k-d-o-w-n. i picture myself ceremoniously scattering the shredded remains of my lecture notes into Port Phillip Bay.

i’m supposed to be sitting for my mid-sem sometime this week but i hvnt yet told my faculty which day i’ll be able to sit for it. ok. my bad. but i thought i should prioritize and get my assignments out of the way first.

i’ve still got 2+1 assignments to be done.

so all in all, i hvnt finished! my! bloody! semester! while everyone else has moved on with their lives. i feel stuck. can’t wait for this to end. hikmah and i have already made a list (yes, an actual list on paper, pasted on our kitchen wall) of movies/ books/ places/ food/ activities/ chores to fill up our time with this summer.

on the one hand, it’s my fault. i really should work faster, dammit. on the other, i cant bring myself to hand in crap work. i’m serious. i’m a pathological perfectionist like that. but then again, my profs have actually liked the work i’ve submitted last week. so… they’re just encouraging my derangement, really.

but now, i’m genuinely worried i won’t even successfully complete my semester, Special Consideration on medical grounds notwithstanding.

which sucks because i need to go to medical school in Adelaide next year.

which, instead of causing me great excitement, is causing great distress because i need to explain that to my boss. especially since we’ve already set out the rubrics for my Honours project with the neurologist who’ll be part of it too…  =(  sigh.

but then, the pessimist in me is thinking what if i’m not even completing this sem? in that case, what difference does it make either way?

urgh. totalling everything up, how can i not feel like i’ve gotten myself into such a mess?

"closet indo" (to quote nasya) and happy about it.

had a really good time on Saturday… 

(music and lyrics: Ridwan; vocals: Faviq)

watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Ridwan yesterday =) finally.

so, castpost.com is my new thing. be warned of many more clips to come! plus i get to showcase him… he’s written so many songs that… i (almost) take it for granted.

the truth is, he’s talented. very talented.

bangga hatiku karnamu. always, dear. for this and the other things you do…

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from deviantart.com.

i love.

it’s so tempting to Become a Deviant. ah. sigh. if i had more time on my hands…

i’m so stressed. if i werent too tired already, i’d be crying. when will this deluge of work end? hmn. but i’m ok. just exhausted, not sad.

i cant wait for my work this sem to JUST WRAP UP! the days that lie ahead seem to stretch lazily, temptingly–at least there’s something to look forward to larh ah… so many things on my mind right now… so much. so soon.

love this song. very calming. even though it’s so darn heartbreaking.

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i.     warm, deliciously frothy (irish cream) lattes

ii.    sweet-scented, lusciously bubbly baths

iii.   chuckling, i’m-walking-like-i’m-drunk-but-really-its-coz-i’m-two, grubby little toddlers

cant cure. i could make that my life statement y’all!

i came to that conclusion while sitting, mooching (no, not really, i just like the word) and stoning at one of the uni cafeterias (named The Meeting Point). it’s not earth-shattering but if i could walk up to all the sad people in the world and tell them to pick one of the above, i’ll win the Nobel Peace Prize…. i’m rambling. am i rambling? yes, i’m rambling.

i woke up this morning with a headache. i had a headache when i slept, which was why i went to bed in the first place. so my exceptional powers of deduction led me to believe that my sleep had not cured my ailment. i dont even know what could have caused it in the first place. i was in no way stressed, tired or high-strung. in fact i had a good day yesterday–lunch with Ridwan, then Me Time in the city (ambled by the charming shops; read at Borders; watched Pride and Prejudice), then came back in time to catch Grey’s Anatomy, had a nice warm shower and then my headache conveniently commenced thus impelling me to bed. how luxuriously lazy’s that?

in any case, i had to drag myself out of bed for a doctor’s appointment. i’m not sick. it was more like going for an appointment with a counsellor… or a friend  =)  but because i had to talk about things i’ve been putting aside i got weepy.

i decided to sit at The Meeting Point to pull myself together before going home. the place is usually packed, noisy and hectic during semester time but today it was wonderfully sparse. i could even hear the music playing. i sat there reading and re-reading the menu for the day, that was when the idiotic sap in me just began crying. silently… very silently… no dramatic sobs or anything…

that was when i suddenly found a guy standing by my table asking me if i was ok. he’s some bloke who was in my tutorial group in first year. dont think i’ve even talked to him since. but we had a chat and he was pretty comforting. thank you God for looking out for me. he went off. i forgot to ask his name which i had forgottten.

i got myself a yummy hot drink. i wanted to get sushi because i had been craving for it since last week, but (being the ditz that i am) decided that in the interest of The Mood of The Moment, i should steer clear of those that do not fall into the category of Comfort Foods. i sat there for a good half an hour enjoying the music–clearly someone working at the joint has the same taste in music as i do and has plugged in his/her mp3 player or something into the system.

after a while, it was time to go move on.

i’m blogging at work again. this time i’ve come to the office oblivious to the fact that EVERYONE is at a seminar, one which i myself should have gone to too, i presume O_o but i didnt read my mail! i check my emails but dont necessarily read them, unfortunately. if you ask hikmah, its a constant, longstanding flaw of mine–if she doesnt remind me of application deadlines and stuff, i’ll be in so much shit by now. how will i survive without you next year, my darling hikmah!!!!???? i’m serious. i’ve made an art out of being dependent on her. heh. her fault! she’s too wonderful.

speaking about next year, me–Adelaide–four years!

dont really wanna blog about it just yet. not till it has sunk in personally. and on a more formal level, not till payments and accommodation and the other nitty-gritties have been settled.

anyway, now, i’ve got a daily ticket, i’m in the city, the weather’s gorgeous–one of those days that make you fall in love with Melbourne again. shoe shopping is tres tempting… but i think i’ll just chill. at koko black or max brenner or sokolata. ah, if i choose sokolata i can join ridwan for lunch at his campus or something. mental note: sms love of my life later–ask timetable.

it’s been such a weekend (which i feel compelled to intellectualize in this blog, so do forgive me) that i suspect the absence of guilt should i choose to spend the first half of today in indulgence. i’ve still got a lot of work  =(  but my end-of-year exams are over! alhamdulillah. that was on friday, which, on the whole, in spite of a three-hour-long-cant-put-the-pen-down-or-you-wont-finish-the-2million-essays paper, was a good good day!

saturday was grocery shopping and baking and spending the evening till late with beloved najiyyah and her family at their home and then supper with Ridwan. we went for a Hungry Jack’s drive thru and drove around till we found ourselves in St Kilda and i.so.wanted.to.pee.dammit! so we walked to the public toilets by the beach and they were locked!  O_o  since i’ve got no qualms about freeloading at times like this, we walked over to Novotel in search of a toilet but you had to be a hotel guest with a pass to even get into the lobby! at times like these, i’m reminded of how one of the best feelings in the world is having a place to go when you really got to. anyway, we drove off to Carlton Crest. ridwan parked right in front of the main entrance and all through my pee i was wondering what if we get wheel-clamped?

spending time with Najiyyah earlier that night was bittersweet. i cant believe she’s gone eventhough i couldnt be happier or filled with more warmfuzzyfeelings when i think of her, in hazim’s arms, right now all blissful and contented.

sunday was what hikmah and i called our Amazing Amusing Race. yes, tis teribbly corny and lame but it really felt like it tau! we were out of the house really early to catch the train to Williamstown for a bbq. i love Williamstown. i’ve always loved the place. i reckon part of the reluctance in going to Adelaide lies in my fantasies of moving out of Clayton and to either a) Williamstown or b) Fitzroy. neither of which are actually practical but it’s always good to dream  =)  maybe in the future… maybe… anyway, the barbeque was good and we would have loved to stay longer but we had to make our way back to Clayton in record time.

najiyyah and her family came to pick us up at to go to the airport. even in the car on the way there, my heart was beginning to feel like it was sinking in a huge puddle and was sploshing around futilely. i kept on looking at her parents and trying to imagine what they must be feeling. i think they’re awesome. with the way they’ve supported naj with her new marriage, new life, new diet… right down to simply letting her go, they’ve been really strong and supportive. i know my mum and dad could never bring themselves to do the same thing. but they dont love me any less or more  =)  parental love is just too great. how that love is manifested will no doubt be different from parent to parent… but the LOVE itself, i havent an ounce of doubt. i know i can be the crappiest child but my parents will still go to the ends of the earth for me (not that i plan to be one.) and i know that i love my kids already, i’ve loved them since they were not yet born conceived. imagine after.

as we were leaving the airport, i felt sooo saaaad. i am so happy for naj, but i cant believe we wont be seeing each other for god-knows-how-long. i cant believe that our dear naj has finally moved to Belgium to be with her husband for good! i feel like i’m dumb enough to have never told her, never showed her how much i appreciate her and what a really beautiful person and friend she has been. naj… naj… our dear little naj with all her antics… she’s the kind who’s fiercefully loyal and would put herself out there for those she cares about, the kind who puts in the effort in so many things the rest of us take for granted… they dont make girls like that no more.

sigh. from the airport, we visited a family at Sunbury with naj’s family. (new suburbs ALWAYS inspire me to get me a piece of land and build my own home all over again! as if that werent one of my life’s hugest fantasies in the first place. plus, spending the day with naj’s family has inspired me to fill that very fantasy home with lots of kids  ^_^  ) and then hikmah and i visited Cik Ani and Cik Samsul in Berwick–for the first time since the end of Ramadan, it felt like hari raya…

videos: episode clips