i still love the scent of rain

when a brand new life has entered the world, how can i not blog???  = )

ridwan and i went to visit Adek and her baby at the Royal Women’s Hospital yesterday evening. Krisna was at home taking a rest, so we didnt get to see the proud new father. iya deh… gw baru kenalin Krisna dan Adek, tapi rasanya haappppyyyyyyy banget! i think the rest of the YIMSA kids feel the same way too. this baby has so many om2 & tante2 who’ll absolutely dote on him. saat kita di sana, baby tidur trusss. kulitnya masih merah, rambutnya gondrong… lucu!! lucu dan ganteng!!! and alhamdulillah, both mummy and baby are in excellent health. Adek, always beautiful, was definitely glowing more than i’ve ever seen her before. the two of us stayed for more than an hour and had a really nice chat with her… it felt so good. ya, semoga keluarga baru ini senantiasa dipelihara Allaah… AMIN.

actually, both Ridwan and i were working yesterday. after work, before we went for the visit we dropped by Big W to get presents for the little one… how cute are baby clothes/shoes/socks/accesories? ah. i’ve always loved them. anything that can fit into those things are just meant to be loved to bits.

btw, work was absolutely great! saw 3 cases, aged 12, 10 and 14. there was supposed to be a 5-year-old before the last one but she didnt turn up. hmmn, shdnt say much more than that in my blog coz i’ve signed a statement of confidentiality… but really, i had such a good day at work–the head of dept gave me more offers to think about, masya Allaah. at the end of the day, i walked out of the building and there was a rainbow in the sky!!! du du duh…. hidupku kayak movie ya? i cldve broken into song a la Broadway and it wldnt have felt the least weird!

to get back to work, worship and a well-balanced life. (29th August — ?)

i had a really good weekend! *big big big smile* from the triple birthday celebration at Sawasdee on Friday nite (ramai banget! kayak wedding!! heh.) to going to the radio station in the wee hours of Saturday morning and spending time with hikmah the rest of the day–grocery shopping in the day and going for dinner at Vivian’s new place that evening–to teaching at the mosque on Sunday morning, followed by pengajian putri at our place. the weekend has left me warm and fuzzy with feelings of hope and comradeship–i know, i must sound like such a sap right now, but really, it’s true. it’s also left me with much food for thought.

hmn. you know, i really wish that friendster didnt send those notifying emails when i’ve updated my blogs. especially when the urge is only and simply to mention something short like the preceding paragraph… just so that the people who were there know that the time they’ve spent with me was very very much appreciated… =)

yesterday, a girl started her day with a boy she loved very very very much. they did pretty mundane (although beautiful, because, like i said, she loved him very very very much) things like catching the train, having lunch in the city, getting some things from a department store, having icecream at Mac’s (and planning to go to KFC for dinner–though that didnt materialize later that day since they were still full from lunch), catching the wrong tram and having to walk a bit through sleepy suburbia to their destination….

their destination was a children’s hospital because the girl got a job there. (it was really a day of rizki because the boy too went for an interview somewhere between lunch and the trip to the department store, and he got another job!) the girl was looking at all the button-nosed, grubby-fingered, rosy-cheeked little people wobbly-ly walking around with their tubby tummies stretching their colourful knit tops (little people whom the boy incessantly referred to as her future "clients") and thinking how wonderful the weeks to come must be to be surrounded by those tiny individuals. at the same time, she was also dreading how knowing that some of those she was going to work with were unwell was definitely going to break her heart just that little bit with each meeting.

her employer(s) turned out to be absolutely wonderful–dynamic, lively, kind–perfect, really, as service providers of the chubby little ones. and they were so generous and sincere to her in their offerings she told them it hadnt sunk in as it was all too good to be true but, thank you, she appreciates it all so very very much…

her orientation to the work place ended and the girl ran down the corridors to the boy who had been waiting at the main building (for more than an hour now). she told him everything, everything, that came to mind as she always does with him. plus, she was happy, and dont people always talk a lot when they are happy? they were still full so they decided not to have KFC that evening. but they did have dinner (albeit less fanciful/more wholesome) together later on.

after dinner, as they sank into the familiar comfort and peace they only found in each other, she looked up at him and broke the silence, saying, "we’re meant for each other." to which he smiled and said "maktub." maktub. written.

and so yesterday as the girl rested her head on her pillow, she was thinking how scared she was of the months to come, of the choices she would have to make with her career and her studies… and how fate would deal with her and the boy. but perhaps, she shouldnt worry. perhaps, it was all maktub. after all, if the one maktub thing she knew was as beautiful as the boy… she reckons she could trust that all the others would be just fine.

for all that life (or more accurately, God) has thrown into our laps, are we not thankful? looking at the riches and greatness of others evokes one of two emotions: humility or envy. but why even look? when the most fitting yardstick should come from within, why even compare? we are who we are. we live and lead our lives according to the concepts we have of ourselves. when we sense that it is jeopardized, we experience excruciating vulnerability while we slowly rebuild. should we grieve? there is a time for everything; surely there is a time to grieve. but there is the problem right there–time. often too fast or too slow, when will it ever stride in our favour? we fear that we will never have enough to fulfill what we wish to accomplish. neither that, nor to enjoy what we already have. and yet, for all that life (or more accurately, God) has thrown onto our laps, are we not thankful?

x x x

my health is returning! alhamdulillah. i’m still coughing but it’s nothing near the wheezing, non-stop, ending-up-in-vomit episodes of before. i’m thinking it’ll be totally gone by… wednesday (insya Allaah). on sunday night, i was awakened by my own coughing, ended up throwing up the soto and bbq chicken i had at dyah’s place. this is probably too much info, but the sambel tasted just as hot on its way out as it did on it’s way in.

i’m feeling more than just a little mellow, which i’m attributing to PMS. i was thinking: by the time i’m thirty, i would have spent a considerable amount of time (at least three years) in unfathomable self-pity and unappeasable depression. such a waste of time, really. i’m sure there’re much better things for me to do than lying down on the floor, listenign to emo songs. kan? like the ones in the CD Mia gave me–Death Cab for Cutie–to which i’m listening to right now. man… i don’t even know if that’s the band’s name or the album title, though i’m inclined to think it’s the former. i like the music… well, on the scale of 1 to 10 i’d give it a 7.

in somewhat related, but, actually, no, not really, news, i really like the soundtrack of Grey’s Anatomy. more than that of The OC. speaking of good ol’ Orange County, i was channel surfing with every intention of switching off the TV (it’s just something i do, i know theres nothing good on, but before i switch it off i just had to channel surf one last time. compulsive channel surfer, that’s me. when advertisements come on, just for the heck of it, during boring bits, whenever there’s nothing good to watch in general… the remote control is a heavenly gift. it’s also probably a heavenly sign the one hiks and i have at our place is broken.) anyway. there i was with every intention of switching the darn thing off when what else came on but the openign credits of 24! and no, i do not like 24. it’s pretty high up in my list of cheesy shows i don’t have patience for. and what was in the opening credits of the show but the name LOGAN MARSHALL-GREEN. *gasp* and so i put myself thru one hour of the show and how long did he appear on screen. a total of 3 mins and 28 seconds. gggrrrr.

i’m hungry! i wanna wrap! from Trios or something… oooooooooh…. or one of those deli sandwiches!!! with extra veg! hmmn.. havent had kebabs for quite a while either…. gw laperr. banget.

x x x

i was in the toilet in the psychology building and as usual, taking my time to read all the grafiti on the wall. heh. and then, i found this!

why was Barbie thrown out of the toy box?

because she was found sitting on Pinocchio’s face screaming, "lie to me! LIE TO ME!"

whatever tickles your fancy eh? heh, but it IS witty what!!!!

x x x

i’ve always kept a journal. but blogging seems to have put a stop to that. i’ve been seriously thinking of whether this new arrangement is healthy for my psychological well-being tau. in my journals my thoughts flow freely, no line is drawn. but blogging is different, you know… i don’t want to spill my heart out in a public space. so what i put on, is really pretty surfacial. but…. i have enjoyed writing here thus far. plus, it always feels nice when i’m told that my blog has been read. even when it comes as a surprise to discover who does… it’s still is very nice.

x x x

i had my mid sem exam just now. we were in the lecture theatre, so we had to sit at alternately. the guy next to me (ie. 2 seats away) let out the largest fart imaginable during the paper ok! and his face showed no remorse. at all! i didnt really know if it were appropriate to laugh or look annoyed or waaaat… sigh. O_o

i LOVE notebooks. especially those that are ring-bound, with hundreds of crisp blank (or lined is ok too) pages. you know the ones you get at Borders or one of those anally (but oh-so-NICEly!) colour-coordinated over-priced Swedish (or some other obscure European state) stationery shop? i’ve had one for each year from when i was 15 to 18, to jot down pretty much anything, mostly school stuff–assignment due dates, to-do-lists, exam tips–the odd phone number or address, LYRICS!, "notes" to friends during class, recipes… and each year, i’d fill up the cover page with what i, at 15, called my list of "Little Joys".

i found the one i had the year i turned 20 (i didnt keep one the year before that) which i brought here to Melbourne. i never got round to using it, somehow i had chucked it away (something i suspect had either contributed to or was a result of my cynic-ization). on the cover, written with a black marker, was this:

bubbles.stars.kittens.ice cream.pencils.crayons.coffee.chocolate.apple juice.hot soup.
nice blank books.windchimes.glass bottles.kiwi fruit.strawberries.cookies.rose petals.
night sky.morning sunshine.sea breeze.painting.nice paintings.music!colours.singing.
muesli bars.dancing.guitars.poetry.babies.kids.children.sunsets.soft pillows.soft pillows
and lots of blankets [all matching].jazz!wild cats.shadows.clean mirrors.clean windows.
spa.cycling.beeeeg beeeeg giant trees.streams [clean ones].books.magazines!candles.
flowers.hot chocolate.cherubs and angels.maths.smiles.velvet.satin.denim.cotton.clothes!
drums.white.old buildings.nice architecture.cool gadgets.travel.blue.complete pencil boxes.
black.ruins.acapella.nice handwriting.drawing.mum’s cooking.granma’s cooking.cars!pizza.
seafood.Gilmore Girls.fluffy clouds.thunderstorms.lightning.ball games.Felicity.nice old
people who tell cool stories.jigsaw puzzles.flames.ICQ.swings.comedy.Lord of the Rings.
clocks.hourglasses.swings!see-saws.climbing trees.treehouses.slides.swimming.skirts.
cologne on a man.fruits.peach-scented stuff.bubble baths.taking showers.sharp blades.
soft hair.bus rides.bike rides.girl friends.hands.falling leaves.rain on my face.soap.lollipops.
sound of conch.smell of something yummy baking in the oven.jammies.pretty lingerie.
camps.smell of field after rain.horses.rocking horses.toys!rocking chairs.sewing.knitting.
star-gazing.cloud-gazing.letters.phonecalls.libraries.bookshops.music boxes.wind-up
music stuff.carousels.freshly-changed bedsheets.Twix.bread-peanut butter-jam.quays.
walking on sand.body lotion.people-watching.BK when really hungry.cameras!black and
white photographs.photographs.photography.theatre.diamonds.nice pens.The 70s show.
making plans.notebooks.cousins.smell of fresh laundry.breakfast.grass.learning languages.
movies!black clothes.pink clothes.maroon clothes.bells.heights.looking down from heights.
school camps.bottled water.eyes.cliffs.picnics. ~ elia. 2003.

there you have it, a snapshot of me then! a list of my current little joys would be pretty much the same. well, there are about 5 or 6 things on the list that don’t thrill me no more… but i’d add things like "dresses", apart from skirts… and "Picnic" in addition to Twix. oh. and daffodils. of course.

in other news, our beloved goldfish, Buncit, has not been eating of late, which is highly distressing. he’s been moping around most of the time, lying down on the marbles. Dwi, when he came over before he left Melbourne for good, commented that Buncit looks not unlike the fishes you’d find in the drains of Jakarta. kesian kannn? that’s just low tau!

………………………………………

called home. my mum and i got to talking about fatin’s school life… paraphrased (and translated) and in good humour, it went something like this–

mama: you know, your sister writes really well for a four-year-old? her spelling book look like it belongs to a primary school kid… and it’s filled with stars and remarks like "outstanding!" and "excellent!".

me: how easy would it be to be a kinder teacher? imagine! other teachers mark essays… and you mark… the SPELLING achievements of four-year-olds!

mama: yeah, i know. that’s why i’ve been telling your dad i’m thinking of going into that. but really, your sister’s doing exceptionally well. i asked her if her teacher taught her how to spell those words before she tested them and she said no. and she said her friends sitting near her got "zero" mostly.

me: oh no, the poor kids! but fatin didnt sound very sympathetic when she told you that, did she?

mama: no. actually she was very matter-of-fact about it.

me: can you imagine how it could crush the self-esteem of these kids? kids this age should just go to school and play! this is just so wrong…

mama: and you know what? there was a parent-teacher-meeting recently, and her teacher told me and your dad that fatin’s one of the five kids she picked in class to teach her friends. in fact her exact praise for fatin was that she’s "patient" with her friends…

me: what kind of kinder teacher makes her four-year-old students teach their peers!?! i bet she sits in front of the class all day with her cell phone and smses her friends or something… hmmmn…

mama: i wouldnt be surprised. btw, she’s going on an excursion to the Underwaterworld to see the dolphins one of these days.

me: the other day it was the zoo… and didnt she go to the Science Centre recently..?

mama: yes. she’s such a busy diva, didnt you know?

me: yeah… her schedule’s like… "friday, i have tea with my granpa… saturday, i have breakfast with granma… sunday…"

but seriously, i think my sister’s teacher is dodgy!!! my sis was sick once so my mum didnt pack her swimsuit in and wrote a note for the teacher to "please excuse my daughter from water playtime today" and my sister came home with her uniform drenched! why would anyone make a child, much less an ill one, go into a wading pool fully clothed? O_o

i’m homesick. (again) i wanna go home….

so i went to the Alfred for my lab on Wednesday right… and when i came baaaccck… GUESS WHAT WAS WAITING AT HOME?????!!!!

two large pizzas!

darling, darling, darling hikmah had gone down all the way to Dandenong to get them! really, i’ve said time and time again, that when all this undergrad-overseas-student-experience ends, nur hikmah amir hamzah adi will be The One Thing i’ll miss and appreciate most. danke schoen, dear!

wednesday itself, on the whole was good. it all began with the gorgeous weather. if you know me well enough, you’d know i’m so affected by the weather.

in the tram on the way to Alfred Hospital, there was an absolutely sizzling hot guy sitting opposite me. if you know me well anough, i check out girls more than guys. if there were a definitive test for sexual orientation and i came out bi-sexual, i wouldnt be surprised. at all. anyway, my point is, this guy, being MALE, was obviously r.e.a.l.l.y  h.o.t  for me to be checking him out lah. absolutely loved his fashion sense–he totally looked like he just walked off a photoshoot with Rolling Stones, ok? the annoying thing was that he had his Raybans on: have you any idea how difficult it is to check out someone who has shades on? even if you don’t, emphatize! because i couldnt see his eyes, i couldnt tell when it was safe to look at him. like, how embarassing would it be to have him catching me ogling at him, right? ah well. just eye candy for the day. nothing more.

after lab, i had some Me Time at Chapel Street. had lunch (Pad Cha Vegetables with brown rice) at a vegetarian joint i’ve never been to before, contemplated a hair cut (still contemplating), bought two tops (my excuse is that they’re only $6 each), checked out some mobile phones, skimmed thru books at Borders, contemplated getting a Cookie recipe book for hikmah (damn, i should’ve bought it!), got a Kinder Bueno for Ridwan… and then i spent some time with him and went back home…

to pizza!  =) yay!

…………..

where are the ski trip photos? i want ski trip photos. i can’t remember the url to mario’s yahoophotothingey…

…………..

today started out crap coz it was dark and drizzly and coz i felt soooo sick (i’ve begun puking after each meal now. maybe i SHOULD go to the doctor, eh? then again, due to this involuntary bulimia, i’ve been able to stuff myself with as much pizza as i want.) but my mood changed after i gave my oral presentation on Bacterial Antibiotic Resistance, which went really well in spite of my coughing. and then, i discovered that we’ve been given an extension for the essay due today AS WELL AS for one of the reports due later this month! woo hoo!

hikmah’s gone to the city to spend the night at hyatt with her sister who’s here again. wish i could go, but i think i badly need rest and extra sleep. oh, and to finish up my essay and study for the 40% BNS Mid Sem exam next week…

i’m still sick. *groan*

the ski trip on saturday was good. but it would have been great if:

1) i had not been sick and coughing out my lungs 3/4 of the time!!!!! then again, it was just beautiful how the rest of them took care of me, especially Pipit! she’s wonderful! i want her as my surrogate mum! strepsils, tissue, hot chocolate… and just her being her.   =)   she and Dimas simply bring so much cheer to those arround them, they truly are something special. and of course… yg paling menjagai, bersabar dan memanjakan… who else but Ridwanku eh? (heh. yes, honey, i know i was Li’l-Miss-Crankypants from after lunch right up to just before dinner. sorrrrriieee….. )

2) i had remembered to charge my camera battery the night before!!!!! can you believe it???!!! i, elia, who takes photos of the most mundane things and carries her camera with her virtually every day had a flat battery in her camera the day she spent in the snow on the mountains! sebel!!!! sebel!!!! gw sebel! now i gotta hunt people down for pics… or maybe just bug Mario lah uh…

3) i had not lost my mobile phone. yes, i repeat, i lost my mobile phone on the slopes of Mount Buller. i can imagine it now, burried somewhere in the virgin snow. (as opposed to slutty snow, as nasya puts it.) of course the first thing that came to mind was that i was expecting a call from Dr Cunnington or Dr Vance regarding the research at Royal Children’s. but then, since i was was sick, i totally skipped all my lessons yesterday, which included lab at Alfred Hospital, so now i gotta miss a lecture and go there tomorrow for make-up… nway, Dr Vance’s secretary called on the home line and i was home. so all’s well. but i really should get a new cell phone soon. seriously, eh, i’m am so not choosy. i just want a phone that:
a) is not bulky–so i can put it in my pocket
b) can send and receive smses, call, receive calls and has an alarm clock. calculator and stopwatch wld be a bonus.
c) has got a good, long-lasting battery–this one’s due to bad past experiences
d) is a Nokia–using Nokia all this while has made me stupid, any other phone’s just too complicated

but honestly, the trip was fun lah–coz of the company more than anything else.   =)  at one point, we were all just chilling and edo was making a wombat (katanya) with the snow. that was cute as! edo + snow wombat. you gotta know edo to understand. there was one time i dreamt of ridwan… but he had edo’s face! just the face. coz like, in the dream, i know he was ridwan but as a spectator of the dream, i realised something was not right, know what i mean? anyway, if it had been some other guy’s face, i would have been revolted and ridwan, jealous. but coz it was edo… we can all shrug it off.

ANYWAY, later on we were just sitting around again and edo was making yet another figurine-ish thing… and i was like, "edo bikin wombat lagi ya?" (i swear, it looked like a bigger version of the one he did before!!!) and he was like, "nggaaaaak…… ini mobil. mirip nggak?" duuh! seumur hidup gw, blum pernah liat mobil kaya wombat! they’re hilarious lah, these people… kalo hendry, each time he slipped and lost his footing in the snow, tampangnya kaya banci banget! eggy dgn foto2nya diambil "buat pacar", tito yg jaim atas toboggan… hehehe. lucu banget deh. didnt get to spend much time with indri though   =(   but it was a well-organized trip on the whole: well done, YIMSA!

ooohhh… and i loved watching the little kids! they’re all cute but the ones from the snow sports school skiing in a line are the bestest! *swoon* there was a really adorable little boy (with the cutest ash blonde hair and brown jacket!) who came up to me and we started playing with the snow together. his mum had to repeatedly entice him with promises of hot chocolate before he would go with her. when kids warm up to you like that, it just makes your day, doesnt it?

one more thing, i just have to say this: Tiara (and siblings), terima kasiiiiiiiiih banyak2 for letting us sleep over and for the parking space! really appreciate it tau… especially Tiara, thank you so much for walking all the way and getting the keys from Aqis. you’re a champion, sweetie! thank you!!! muakz!

…………………………………………….

handed in 3 reports today. i’ve got an essay and an oral presentation this friday. i just wanna get well, really. my cough’s slowing me down… (and i’m blogging. hmn. the irony.)

i don’t have much of an appetite at the moment… but i want pizza. pizza! pizza! elia mau pizza… kapan bisa makan pizzaaaaaaaa?

if i had been born before this one, if i had been someone (or something) else sometime else, if i believe in reincarnation in the first place… (i don’t.) i would say that i must have been a queen princess or a Taitai or, at least, a sloth. (btw, how cute is the description of sloths in Life of Pi?? heh. funny as.)

because! it does not seem like i can handle stress all that well. i mean, i’m pretty good at it psychologically, but physically?!? nah. i get sick waAAaay to easily. for those who don’t already know, i’ve been coughing since the weekend. but when i woke up this fateful morning, i had totally lost my voice! my throat was excruciatingly painful. actually it still is… i’m so miserable   =(  it really. really. honestly. hurts… it feels like it’s both swollen and scarred at the same time. there’s blood in my phlegm. but not a lot, so i’m not freaked out. yet.

and may i remind you that TODAY was the day of my interview AND my oral presentation?

before i got up and did anything else, i called ridwan. why wld anyone who can’t talk make a call? i dont know. i guess somehow my brain works in a way such that {crisis} = {reach for ridwan}. but we did manage to have a short conversation with me whispering–mostly complaining about how my voice is gone…

anyway i caught the 1040 bus and got on the 1052 train. all was well until i realised i had got on the wrong tram at Elizabeth Street!! f*** it. i was supposed to take 19, i took 59. so there i was, lost somewhere (i had alighted of course). i asked a girl for directions. she confidently pointed it out to me but i just had a hunch that it wasnt the right way, so i turned right instead of walking straight at one point… which was good! coz it turned out the directions she gave was wrong!  =\

soon i was Grattan St… and i’m supposed to walk down Grattan Street till i see Barry St, and turn right into it. so there i was… walking… walking… walking… and then i had the same hunchy feeling… so i turned around and guess what?! i had already passed Barry St! nasib baik. kalau tak aku jalan sampai besok pun tak sampai…

you know how things happen in 3’s? while waiting at the reception area i was thinking either (a) two bad things have happened and so the third one is coming.

ie. 1) i got on the wrong tram, was lost and was given wrong directions. 2) i missed Barry Street. 3) i will therefore, according to my hypothesis, fail miserably in the interview.

OR (b) two good things have happened so a third one is coming.

ie. 1) i had a hunch i was given the wrong directions and followed my intuitive sense of direction. 2) i realized i had passed Barry Street before i was too far away. 3) my interviewers will fall in love with me. (that’s pushing it, i know.)

the interview was so surreal! the beginning and end were ok. it felt more like a chat. but the middle!!!! eeek. i was asked to explain how functional MRI works and what brain structures you’re looking at when scanning kids with ADHD and what literature i should use as references for the study… i mean… i could answer the questions but i dont think my replies were stellar, know what i mean? i’d say a couple of lines and they’ll still be looking at me expectantly… so i have to mumble, "er, yeah." and nod pensively to signal that i’ve used up the resources in my head. felt like an exam i wasnt prepared for.

it did not help that the girl before me was oh-so-model-esque (tall, slim, gorgeous hair, matching clothes and accesories) and charming (i could see them smiling and hear them laughing–one of the walls of the interview room was actually made of glass, so you can see the inside from the reception area). sigh.

i’m hotdog bun stale bread, she’s fresh croissant.

with latte on the side.

anyway, my interview ended at 1145 (half an hour!!!) and i had to be back at uni by 12 to give my (assessed) oral presentation. my uncle was already waiting outside to give me a lift.

we reached Monash at 1230. amazingly, i got to my lab pretty calmly and then!!!! i realised that the class had been split into two and the group i was in was in the alternative venue!!!!! and had anyone in my group called/sms me to tell me? noOOoo!!! my nervous system recognized that i was in a crisis. so what did i do?

*insert Ghostbusters Theme Song with the line "Who you gonna call?"

i called ridwan.

seriously, on hindsight, it’s not as though he’s a claivoyant and can tell me the whereabouts of my classmates right?!.. so why? why??? it’s a bloody reflex i tell you.

in the midst of uttering panicky gibberish to him (the poor boy) and walking up and down the building frantically, i found them! i was simultaneously hanging up and entering the room so i was like, "ok, dear, i found them, *open door, enter* see you later, bye, i love you,  thanks, see you, bye, i love you. *close door*" and i looked up and they were all looking at me. grinning. urgh. malunya beta!!!!!!!!!!

hope i get better by tonight. i wanna enjoy my ski trip tomorrow! that reminds me… i don’t know where my beanie is… gotta look for that. hmn. and i should go charge my camera battery too.

the freezing temperatures, hail and strong winds that we’ve had to endure the past week’s gonna be sooo worth it when we see how much snow has accumulated in the alpines coz of it! yay!

[update, 5 hours later]

i got a call from one of the guys in the interview panel…

no, i didnt get the three-days-a-week research assistant position i applied for–which, honestly, would screw up my timetable pretty badly. i got something better!

they asked if i was interested in a once-a-week research assistant position at the Children’s Hospital… and… they’ve offered me an honours place with the institute… and possible employment for next year.

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

praise God, praise God, praise God!

i’m still in disbelief… like there’s a part of me that doesnt think that i actually deserve it… which basically means that i should work hard to make it such that i do, eh?

hmn. but life’s good. too good to be true…

btw, i didnt even do my oral presentation just now. there wasnt enough time so the four of us who have left to go are doing it next week, insya Allaah.

i guess this is something i’ve always known but never truly appreciated: we all love, but how it is that we love differ.

i’ve always (jokingly) whinged to my friends that my mum and dad act as though they just been married for a week. but the truth is, deep down inside, i know i want it too. so have i learned how to love from them? or have they just left me pining?

and then there are my grandparents–sweethearts since my grandma was 15. now, in their old age, they bicker about the littlest things… but. they sit together on the couch, really close, every night to watch the news. my grandpa puts on my grandma’s socks for her coz it’s painful for her to bend over. she fusses over his medication, his meals, his clothes… when i was 14, he was warded in the ICU and i remember her sobbing to my mum, "how will i live? how will i live?"

will i ever be loved like that?

i know couples who fight and shout at each other often but… are strong in spite of (or should i say "because of"?) it. i know couples who break up because they dont communicate enough. and then there are those who are fine without contact for days on end. and… the list of contradictions goes on.

so. what’s enough? what’s too much? is there such a thing as "too much" in the first place?

i guess… compatibility also includes having the same expectations of the relationship and of each other. otherwise won’t there be a lot of misunderstandings? or maybe… just a lot of compromises then.

i know there’s a saying (soppy and Hollywood-esque as it were) that goes something like… just because a person doesnt love you the way you want to be loved… it doesnt mean that he/she doesnt love you with all his/her heart. but can we selfish mortals be happy, or even satisfied, with that?

and since we’re on the topic of quotes: i’ve heard that marrying or being with someone who loves you more than you love him is the way to go–i guess that’s supposed to minimize the chance of you getting hurt. but! i’ve also been told not to marry someone i can live with but someone i cant live without.

so where does all that mambo jambo leave me? tsk. all this bad, conflicting advice. =/

ok. gonna go have dinner now. then back to work! before that…. pictures:

with the birthday boy at Max Brenner last night.
all things chocolate! yumm!
my goal is to try everything (non-alcoholic) on the menu at least once by the end of this year.

a series of Ahfan and Ridwan cutting their (shared) cake

group shot of the girls! ah… they’re all shooooo shwweeeeet….
ridwan spoiler. annoying eh?   O_o

oh wait! i remembered something else! i was walking home from uni this afternoon and i walked into a tree! i dont know how that happened but it did. well, my forehead hit a low branch anyway. like BAM! hurt like hell. i could feel the pain in sharp spasm down to my teeth!

anyway i walked into the tree… and then i just stood there laughing my head off. i just couldn’t help it lah… you know, you watch all these shows, like Home Alone, and people walk and bump into things and you think how much more slapstick can it get?? and then! it happens to you! well, it happened to me lah in this case.

eee… tapi masih sakit gila!!! i hope i don’t die from an aneurysm or something. i’m a neuroscience student… i know a million and one things that can go wrong from that hard knock! then again, i concussed playing basketball in the rain when i was 13 and i’m still sane/functional, with a CT scan to prove it. (no cruel jokes, please.) now i’m not only tembam (chubby) (those of you who know me well enough would know that this is my bane in life) but benjol (has bump on head) as well. how sad is that?

but seriously, what if i’m dying of a cerebral haemorrhage… right now?! heh. knowledge isnt necessarily power… ignorance is, indeed, bliss. last sem, i was doing a karyotype of my white blood cell and! one of my chromosomes! was missing! of course i finally accepted that it was an experimental artefact but not before i had googled extensively about chromosomal disorders… and fretting endlessly that maybe…. maybe i could be dying from some horrendous, potentially-debilitating syndrome.

in other news: i’m crushing on my new genetics lecturer… he’s young and so charmingly british… he’s tall, lanky, dresses in shirts (tucked out, zjushed up) and jeans and has two piercings on his left ear… and he’s funny. ah. motivation!

ok… i should stop! blogging! now!