i still love the scent of rain

a little more than 24 hours post-exam and, ironically, i am more sleep deprived than before. while doing the paper yesterday i visualized myself going straight back home and satisfying my sleep debt once it was aaaaalll over. but i dropped by the Medley Library. and borrowed a couple of books, which made me very happy =) i have never recalled the shelves being so full before. i guess it’s a combination of them having just purchased brand new books and the fact that i must be one of the first few in the whole campus to have finished my exams. yup. and then i stayed up last night reading. sigh. why oh why could i not keep awake in the same way when i was reading my lecture notes?

i wasnt gonna blog. i wasnt. i was gonna do it tmr after my last paper. i was going to put up pictures of the Evermore gig. share snippets of my weekend. complain yet again abt my academic woes. indulge in more trivial ramblings………….. but i checked my mail. just. just checked it. it’s been 5 or 6 days. so i just found out:

yu kang fei, much-loved fellow ACJC council-mate passed away on saturday afternoon. acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. he was so… brave. had such a cheerful, friendly disposition… he was so… young! and such a strong Christian. but. he’s gone now. it’s really hard to believe.

i can vividly imagine my fellow 25th Student’s Council singing the council song and the AC anthem at his service. "chin up". "fei wld want us to send him off with courage, faith and strength". everyone dressed in our full formal uniform to pay our last respects. it hurts a little to not be able to be with them, something only surpassed at the moment by a deep sense of loss. fei wasnt the one i was closest to in the council… but that doesnt diminish the grief i feel. does not remove the heavy, suffocating feeling i have in my chest as i fight back tears that are welling up.

being miles away makes it even more surreal. like last december when i was in Singapore and i got to know of Rebecca’s sudden death here in Melb. even now i still can seem to fully believe that… and now fei…. both were individuals who were so full of life and love. the irony if it all huh? thinking of death brings up all the hurt surrounding my grandma’s passing in 2003. the anger i originally felt now replaced by a strange numbness… anger twds my own parents for not telling me till mths later when i got back to S’pore. even if their intention was to protect me, i believe i had the right to know.

and right now. i have to get back to books and notes to prepare for my paper tmr morning. it’s just nonsensical. frustrating and ridiculous. that grieving can be deferred.

i am, only now, discovering and loving Coldplay very much.

it took me a while, i know. see, the first time i heard them was late 2001 when i got a lift back from a friend of a friend who was playing Coldplay in his car. in all honesty, he wasnt very cool   =/  he was unmelodiously singing along at at the top of his lungs to the music while driving and mind you, i had just met him for the first time that evening. at first i felt like laughing at his expense (but stopped myself. i’m not that cruel.) then, after it dawned on me that he was gonna keep it up the whole journey home, i just wanted to shrivel up and die.

to add to that! ever so often, a thought would clearly be triggered in his mind and he would account an anecdote to me… and snort. no. he does not laugh. he snorts. and wheezes. seriously.

that. was the. longest. ride. of my life. it felt longer than driving interstate with a full bladder and no civilisation in sight. you have to immerse yourself in my experience and IMAGINE travelling on the highway, late night, Singapore, with a snorting, wailing being…

so. obviously i was turned off the band from then on. when all the hype about Coldplay began, i just never gave it a chance. it had tragically been attached to the memory of that painful experience. my discovery of a really great band was hindered coz i was simply too shallow and conceited. see? serves me right.

but it’s all good now. i’m listening to eleven of their songs in my playing list and loving them all (wish i had more)… plus, i don’t even remember the name of the guy who drove me home that night. all i know is that he snorts but he was listening to real good music.

ok. back to studying now… it’s pretty hard to concentrate sometimes–i’m totally excited bt this Friday’s gig! so looking fwd to a great night out. i actually daydream bt it in the middle of revision. ohmigawd…. so lame eh????

update 2 hours later:

no lah, i’m not taking pleasure in his embarassment, which i think i did inflict on the poor boy. after all, he abashedly stopped mid-verse when he realized i was about a metre away. but you have to admit, it is kiiiinnnddda funny.

the whole day was good. i must admit i didnt get much (ie. any) work done on the academic front but we’ll let it slide for the occasion won’t we? =) the weather was exceptionally sunny for a winter’s day. i had a dove (a dove! not a pigeon) pecking near my feet, which honestly delighted me.

ridwan finished work early so i met up with him in the city first. we went to The Missing Link on Bourke Street and bought the last two tickets they had for Evermore’s gig on Friday night! no matter how crazy i am, i still wldnt go for the Thursday gig since i have a paper the following day. so i was already mentally prepared, in the event that fridays were sold out, i’d be cool with it. but surprise, surprise! it’s meant to be, baby! naaahh… no fate business here lah. the only thing it means is that i get one night off revision. i hope they play Come To Nothing… i might just cry… emo eh?

we arrived at the charming, quaint, bustling restaurant at seven exactly and while waiting for the girls to arrive, we were joking bt how since there were gonna be four hijabis and one man at the table in a Moroccan joint, he cld play the role of the disgruntled husband of four wives! heh. stereotype or what? anyway, dinner at Moroccan Soup Bar was simply awesome. the place really lived up to its reputation. no table was empty for more than ten minutes. it was all a flurry of activity and buzz of chatter. people just kept coming and coming and coming… some had to be turned away coz there simply werent any tables when they arrived. others were willing to wait up to 45 minutes for a seat. the place just has a gorgeous positive vibe to it. with it’s rustic decor and mismatched tables and chairs, children-friendly and strictly alcohol unfriendly stance and no menus–the waitresses presented that orally–it just felt so cozy and personal. there were only waitresses, no waiters. the type of people who patronize the place are all the smiley, hippie, friendly types. and the food? absolutely wholesome, with a mixture of strong and delicate flavours.

on the whole: food (served on colourful, mismatched, chunky cutlery–no less), conversation, venue, COMPANY… were just wonderful! i cldnt hv imagined it any better. much thanks to Najiyyah, Tiara, Hikmah and Ridwan (and Melisa and Hanna who were missed, mentioned and there with us in spirit) for the presents and, above all, for spending such a special evening with me. elia is happy! *alhamdulillaah, praise God*

*may we make the world a better place by living simply, making women and children happy, eating more vegetables and kidnapping world leaders! *

really, it’s at times like this when i just sit back and wonder if i deserve all the well-wishes i received today from these lovely individuals as well as other friends old and new… and also family… as far as i can remember, i’ve been blessed with an environment of love and kind acceptance, which, i hope, has made me a well-adjusted and compassionate individual myself………….. =) i think a couple of choice shots are in order! some of them are captured by Hiks:

now, at this moment, i’m just filled with a sense of calm–a contrast from the whirlwind i’ve experienced the past few weeks. i think things have finally settled. please, God, clear and sharpen my mind so i may study for my exams. i’m really looking forward to madrasah tomorrow… i wish, i hope, i pray that the kids’ll like me. oklah, actually as long as they don’t hate me or find me menacing, i’m happy enough. hey, i really think we learn better if we have a positive relationship with our teachers!

alright, i’ll end here today. and i think… (though i may have to bite my tongue later on this one) i won’t be blogging for a couple of days. should study.

"i’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Mary Angelou, courtesy of Tiara

it’s my blog (and my birthday) so i’m indulging. *some people might find this a bit much. if u do. hmn. too bad lah uh i’m not sorry.*

i reckon i play the role of an adoring girlfriend pretty well. for instance i… *gasp!* have a folder of just The Boy’s pics! (plus a gazillion shots of us together of course) heh. i was just looking thru them and in the midst of all the cool, suave, handsome pics were! some that were just toooooo cute! like this one in which he’s obviously stoning. tapi nampak kesian ye?

and this one after the Saman Performance at Melbourne For Aceh–how cute is this one? macam anak kecil!

and one of my all-time fave taken at the City Library after his haircut that i sat thru and before going to Tante Indah’s place for dinner.

ah. i am so in love. still.
which is gorgeous… to still feel that excitement and rush on top of the tight bond, companionship and steadiness we share.

in other news, Evermore is performing two gigs at the Hi Fi Bar, Melbourne on the 9th and 10th of this month!!! i haaaaaave to goooooo!!!! my god. i just have to. [totally ignoring the fact that my first paper's on the 10th. and my second's on the 13th. heh.] the next one i’m sorta looking fwd to is Marcell Siahaan’s gig in August… but see, i still think bands make the best gigs.

alright. that is all for now. i’m looking forward to this evening’s bohemian night out. and moroccan mint tea!