i still love the scent of rain

on the album Pejantan Tangguh, there’s one song written by Akhdiyat Duta Mojo (love his name… must be the jawa in me) and i know it’s written for his then cewek, now wife. (but like ridwan said, consistent with my tendency to theorize and hypothesize everything, even if it weren’t for her, i’d still insist that it is) (but why wouldn’t it be for her??? in the acknowledgements section of the CD jacket, duta writes, "…buat Adel dan penerusku di dalam perutnya…" how sweet is that?) as an aside, i also think that whenever he’s on tour and singing Bertahan Di Sana, he must be thinking of and missing her… right? anyway.

the name of the song is Tanyaku (My Question) and i do what i do best with songs like this–lie down on the floor, put it on repeat and listen to every word, drum beat and bass note… and emote. heh. no, i hvnt gotten over some of my adolescent behaviour even though i’m turning 22.

tak pernah ku merasa hawa sehangat ini

di dalam hidupku

kau beri dan kau bagi semua marah dan candamu

kuharap hanya untukku

tak pernah ku dihinggapi bahagia seperti ini

jatuh hati

tumbuhkan nyaliku ‘tuk nyanyikan kepadamu

"aku cinta"

sesaat tersenyum dan kaupun lalu terdiam

dan berpaling

biaskan laguku

seolah tak tahu

hanya engkau yang kutuju

akan ku nantikan

hatimu mengiyakanku

kumau kau tahu

tiap tetes tatapmu

iringi tanyaku

kapan kau jadi milikku

saat kau meratap

saat kau bahagia

kuingin ada di sana

saat ku melangkah

saat ku berpijak

adakah kau bersamaku

seolah tak tahu

hanya engkau yang kutuju

akan ku nantikan

hatimu mengiyakanku

kumau kau tahu

tiap tetes tatapmu

iringi tanyaku

kapan kau jadi milikku?

kapan kau jadi milikku?

the title’s just me replying to my own question in the prev post.

there i was all moody, broody and gloomy, dragging my feet along as i walked home, thinking of how this sem, this year has just been… bleaurgh… and then! i opened my mailbox! and! there was a parcel! from hanna and shafaa! oooooohhhh…… i love you girls! *big, big, big smile* i actually ripped it open, still standing in front of my mailbox, beaming like a child high on candy floss.

i’d have been happy with just a card… but i got two tubes of Neutrogena Lip Moisturiser-my fave!!! aaawww…. such angels these two! aaaaaaaaaaaannnddd!!!!!!! Sheila on 7’s Pejantan Tangguh!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!

yay! elia is ecstatic =)

i just finished sorting out my notes and stuff… my assignments have been below HD average this sem due to slipshod, half-assed, perfunctory execution and simply screwed-up–if in existence at all–time management. urgh. i am SO MAD at myself. i hope i have enough discipline to work doubly hard for the exams so i can pull my grades up. i feel awful for my parents and family. feels like i’m letting everyone down. of course i feel bad on a personal level too… but i feel worse when i think of them.

on a happier note though, i was thinking of the Iqra’ classes on Sundays at Westall Mosque when i woke up this morning and… alhamdulillah, i’m so glad it’s in my life. i know that at the end of the day, what i gain from the innocence and enthusiasm of the little kiddies and the sincerity and virtue of the YIMSA youths as well as the bapak2 dan ibu2 is far, far more than what i can ever give to the program.

alright. gotta get back to work now.

i have hilary duff playing in my head… you know, that song where she sings abt going back to the beginning, to when the stars all align [yes, that's my best attempt at trying to recall what's she's going on about. and no, i'm not googling this one.] maybe it’s just the time of month/year/sem/life when i get all pensive… and critical and ultimately broody… like bursting out into uncontrollable sobs and tears last nite followed by a chatty dinner with hikmah ten minutes later. if i didn’t know better, i’d suspect myself to be clinically mad. it does somewhat seem like i’m suffering from a pre-quarterlife crisis of sorts. i definitely have to give ridwan credit for being patient with my volatility.

truth be told, so far 2005 has been uber exhausting, uber tough, uber humbling. it feels as though within these 5+ months that have just passed, i’ve been quite thoroughly tested in my personal, academic and spiritual life, not to say that i’ve even come up triumphant half the time. which both saddens and frustrates me. i feel like i’ve fallen so far short of my own expectations and goals. that i’ve lost sight of who i am and what good, if any, i had. no, i’m not being dramatic, i’m serious. but things are at sucha low right now, they can only get better right? right?

so help me God.

how cute is he?

maybe it was just hormonal…
but i swear
i was swooning
while watching last week’s episode of The OC.

i’m so crushing on her. in fact, if i were a guy i’d be lusting. how can anyone be so insanely gorgeous? top to toe too. wow. but i think she’s even more captivating in movies than in pictures.

i’m in love with 1club.fm ! i’ve tried a couple of online radio stations… and… i think i’ll be sticking to this one for a long time =)

i just did my individual oral presentation for GEN3051. i think i went aaaaaight but! was talking a tad too fast. well, at least i’m done with most of my assignments. i’ve got two more mini-report thingeys due tomorrow and monday. other folks in my course are ABSOLUTELY DONE with assignments by this time in the sem but me and this other girl [the only psychos doing a BNS+GEN double major] have got to persevere a li’l more till the last week of sem. ah well.

anyway… as usual, elia grows really attached really easily.
currently, i’m really attached to the goldfish Mel left behind.
and mind you, i.don’t.like.fish.[or birds]. they’re scary.

been spending a lot of time the past few days staring at and fussing over Whiteshit. [Mel named him JP3 but Hiks and I have decided to call him Whiteshit.] he seems a little stressed of late, including a failure to eat. as in the food will come out of his mouth while he’s swimming about. i hope he’s not ill. i’m gonna go to the pet shop this weekend to get him more food and stuff. and i think i’ll tranfer him into a bigger tank tonight.

he can’t dieeeee!!!!! if he dies i’ll baaaaawwwwllll!!!!!! =(

btw, did you know goldfish eat peas and spinach and grapes and carrots among other things???? i never knew that! till i visited these pages just now: Goldfish Care and Goldfish Info.

anyhoos, i’d really love a pet horse. but i’d settle for a couple of baby dwarf hamsters.

nowadays, unless i’m expecting a call, i’m actually getting anxiety attacks just from hearing the phone ring. i dont have to do a statistical analysis to conclude that the number of telemarketeers and phone surveyists on the prowl is definitely, definitely escalating. and the topics they cover/ products their selling——totally mind-boggling sometimes.

by far the all-time weirdest phone survey i have agreed to [or more, coerced into] take part in [and firmly regretted doing so] was one about Sex and Sexuality. seriously, what’s the deal with that? i bet these people get horny by the end of the day. but then again, it does seem like they arent really listening [of course, duh, it's not like it's a helpline] but are instead mechanically typing your results into some dodgy database. ok, like, snippets from the sex survey would include:

[surveyor] do you condone or engage in anal sex?

[me] no.

[surveyor] would you prefer your boyfriend/ husband/ partner to penetrate you anally or otherwise?

[me] *wasnt he listening to my prev response???* no comments. next question.

[surveyor] would you consider having sexual relations with a woman?

[me] no.

[surveyor] would you be alright if your partner engages in sexual relations with a man?

[me] no. *not as if it’d be any better if it were with another girl either. whadehell?*

[surveyor] in the scenario that your partner brings home a man so all of you may have a threesome, how would you respond?

[me] i wouldnt agree to it.

[surveyor] in the scenario that you catch your partner in bed with another man what would you do?

[me] *who makes these surveys?* i would be polite, go get coffee from the kitchen, sit in the living room and enjoy my coffee. and when they’re done and have come out of the bedroom i’ll say "hi honey. i think i’d like to break up now." *really i was being sarcastic and just wanted it to stop! but he obviously didn’t get it coz…*

[surveyor] in the scenario that…………

aaaaaargh! that survey drove me nuts! i know, i cld hv stopped it at any point but i’ve got a thing bt saying no to people. it’s a real problem. i once did a phone survey for PET FOOD [mainly cat and dog] and i don’t even have a pet! another time, it was for energy drinks and softdrinks [like redbull, coke and stuff...] but my response to at least 3/4 of the 36254 questions was "not applicable" coz really, i only drink water, milk, milk with honey *yumm!*, JUICE!, tea and coffee. once, i picked up a call from INDIA of all places, and the lady was trying to sell some Overseas Calls Package and when i refused and told her that i’m fine with my calling cards, thank you very much, she had the nerve to raise her voice at me! "don’t you know that these calling cards are conning you and there are many hidden charges that you are not aware of?!!??" sorry, lady, i think you’re the con here.

why am i bloggin bt this though? coz last night, my dear friends, i had a breakthrough!!!!!!!!!!!! i picked up the phone and…

[surveyor] hello, may i speak to Mrs Amir please? [coz we're listed as NH Amir and NE Mohamed as in Nur Hikmah Amir and Nur Elia Mohamed]

[me] she’s not in.

[surveyor] may i speak to Mr Amir please?

[me] he’s not in.

[surveyor] what time will they be back?

[me] really late tonight.

[surveyor] how about you? how old are you?

[me] ……12. i’m 12.

[surveyor] that’s ok, i’ll call back later. thank you.

hah! i’ve mastered the art of dodging dodgy phone surveys! ok, not quite. but i was quite happy bt it, albeit having to lie. someday, i’ll learn to say no. properly. heh.

in other news, darling Erny called two nights ago during Desperate Housewives *big smile* always good to hear from a friend… especially if it’s a long dist call…

and to be absolutely honest i am as homesick as homesick can be  =(

but of course, each time i’m on the phone with mum i’ve gotta bite my tongue and not say it coz if i do, mum and dad wld tell me to get a ticket and i think by now all the cheap/good ones are sold out…. so it really wldnt be fair to them. i was fantasizing for a bit that they cld all come down to Melb but! my sis is going off to UK/France/Germany on a school trip for abt 2 weeks… and the RJ guys are coming here late june… soooo… logistics-wise things juz aint gonna work out, baby. well. at least i’ve got Tassie to look fwd to!!! but RIGHT NOW, my ultimate thing-i’m-looking-fwd-to is my birthday!!! i know, i really shd grow out of it, being 21 going on 22 and all. [no, i'm really not 12.]

after the surpirse mega bash my angels-of-friends threw last year, plus the oh-so-gorgeous presents [whodunlovepresents??? ;)] i’m taking things into my own hands in 2005. dun get me wrong, i love surprises BUT i really wanna have a nice quiet dinner this year so i’ve got a table all nice and reserved at the Moroccan Soup Bar for a party of 5: four loved ones who are the next closest thing to family to me. besides, it’s the last day of semester [not counting exams] so, birthday or no birthday, i think some tea sipping, fine cuisine and good conversation is in order. anyway, who says i can’t be the one giving surprises eh? can’t wait!

forgot to mention something in my blog yesterday.

on friday, i did some grocery shopping… got some fruits, milk, juice… all was fine and dandy until! on my way to the busstop i passed by a furniture shop.

and i bought a chair.

can you believe the incredulity of my impulse buying? whaaaaat is so special abt this chair that i bought it within 2 seconds of seeing it at the display window, you may ask…. well, it’s red and retro. it’s made of plastic and metal. it’s from Ikea. and coz it’s a second hand shop, i got it for ten bucks.

the obviously-pushing-his-luck Indian shopkeeper actually managed to coax me follow him to the back of the shop where he had two more of them. fortunately, no, he didnt manage to get me to buy them.

talking bt the shopkeeper, he’s was quite…. hmmn. see, i of course didnt wanna take the chair home in the bus. i know wheelchairs are allowed in but i really wldnt risk it with a conspicuous ridiculous red plastic chair. so i told him that i’d fetch it the next day. anyway, to cut to the chase, i reached home and Naj’s car was parked in our pseudo-garage. so i after telling Hiks of my latest nonsense, we asked Naj if she cld help us pick my purchase up. i called the shop to check if it’d still be open:

[elia] hello, i wanna collect the chair i bought just now? will you still be open if i reach there in ten minutes?

[shopkeeper] open? we are closing now. what do you want to sell?

[elia] no, no. i want to collect something i bought.

[shopkeeper] WHAT? what are you talking about? [the way he said it, it was as though i had spoken in Swahili.]

[elia] *slowly and painstakingly articulating each word* i’d like to collect something. i bought it already. i paid you just now. can i collect it? like can i take it? fetch it? bring it home?

[shopkeeper] oooOOOoooohh. you want to collect something? collect what?

[elia] *???* a chair.

[shopkeeper] what receipt number?

[elia] 289000

[shopkeeper] what? no. we don’t have 289. you called wrong shop! we have 288, no 289.

[elia] i’m reading it out from the receipt you gave me. 289000.

[shopkeeper] no. no 289. wrong shop.

[elia] *wrong shop my ass* look, can you please check your receipt book?

[shopkeeper] *a while later* oh, yes, yes… you’re the first 289. ok, come now, i wait.

*???!!!???*

anyway, when we arrived he just finished locking up. again, ???!!!. and his greeting when he saw us was "closed already." but when we were about to walk away, he was like, "no, you wait." following which, he used his 2453 keys to open the 2453 locks and padlocks on the shop door.

i think he’s weird. not in a bad way… but i’d have a headache if i had to communicate with him frequently.

so now, i’ve got a red retro chair in the living room.

i’ve been itching to blog. so i shall! so there.

Quick Snippet 1:

how comfortingly-good-on-a-cold-morning does that look? how i can not wanna blog about it? anyhoos, last friday, i finally got my breakfast at Sokolata [greek for "chocolate"]. that’s ridwan’s belgian hot chocolate up there. i had latte, which was probably a better idea coz after the main course [below!]

i think he got a bit of a sugar/choco-overload. besides, my belgian waffles came with extra strawberries and no icecream.

i know there’s Max Brenner in the city but Sokolata is really a delightful little place tucked away near the Glenferrie railway station, filled with timber chairs and leather couches… with waitresses wearing black and matching velvet rose chockers and the pralines displayed in a wood/glass cabinet.
and after brekky i got to play with the robots at the Swinburne lab! oh happy day….

anyway, if you’re like me and you love quirky places, charming corners and holes in the wall, you’d love Aix [a creperie in the city] and Ici [a wholesome cafe at Fitzroy] Incidentally, Aix is the name of a region in France and and "ici" is french for "here".

Quick Snippet 2:

watched Kingdom of Heaven last Saturday which i didn’t find all that great. if anything, Braveheart was better.

then that evening, i went to Sara’s birthday dinner…

this year she had it at Achelya [turkish name for a flower] at Docklands. trust her to find cool oriental/middle eastern places… last year it was at Nazar, where i fell in love with the belly dancer and belly dancing in general. seriously, unlike some old, flabby belly dancers you see at some restaurants, she was lithe and tall and her costume was an enticing combination of black and shimmery silver.

the one at Achelya was pretty good too, i must say. graceful yet energetic dancing… with a cutesy, smiley face to boot. [see left]

the food wasnt that great to me. it was a fusion menu. somehow the doner kebab tasted more like an italian pasta dish than a turkish delicacy to me. hiks and i shared a seafood platter which was alright–grilled fish filets and prawns in sweet chilli sauce, chips, mussels and calamari plus salad on the side.

that’s a nice shot of the upper half (?) of the restaurant that hiks took with my cammy. actually the place itself was pretty cool. i mean, contrast the image up there with the fact that we were sitting on plush velvet cushions throughout the meal and smoked sheesha to end the evening. for a better fusion menu though, i’d say i quite like AirStream Cafe at the Glen. and if, like me, you don’t consume alcohol, you’d find the mocktails there quite refreshing. my fav: Virgin Mary. yes, it’s a spin off of Bloody Mary.

Quick Snippet 3:

and last night i had a really great time at Tiara’s place! it was Faviq’s birthday…
everyone was gorgeously dressed in red and black. except for one of faviq’s
friends who wore jeans with his red and black top and ridwan who wore camel
pants with his black top! *tsk tsk tsk*… naysayers! party poopers! heh.

there were even red rose petals all over the place!
food was catered by Nandos. yum-my!

and on the agenda was [take a deep breath now!], believe it or not: KA-RA-OKE!
it was rented and it had 2000 songs! no, i’m not kidding. 2000. and no it wasn’t
the apek karaoke kat singapore "oh-uu-ooohhh-yeeeaaa-yeeeaaa-i-love-you-
more-than-i-can-saaaaay" nonsense k. there was everything from beatles to
britney to aretha franklin to martina mcbride to usher to jojo to stevie wonder
to nsync to alicia keys to maroon5… seriously everything. i especially loved it
when the malaysian Mats sang Incubus’ Drive and Green Day’s Time of Your Life en
masse. and no, not coz they sounded great but coz they were soooo stoned and
monotonous, it was funny. the birthday boy’s voice, on the other hand, was
absolutely wonderful… loved it when he sang Usher’s Burn… so nice tau!

The End

ok. think i should stop now and get back to work. =)

announcing a hiatus!

the fact is i have tonnes of work. it has not subsided since my lamenting and whining in my previous posts (that you have so kindly endured…). if anything, there’s just more now than before. *yikes* i’m bracing myself for next week when i have something to present / due every. single. day.

honestly i’ve been dying to blog and post pictures [coz the irony is that i have work AND i have places and events to go to! ah! and i dare wonder why i take so long to finish my essays!]

but i must say i’ve been holding up pretty well for almost a week now… i’ll be back when all this is over.

[and this post took 5 mins 26 sec.]