i still love the scent of rain

this morning’s shower was good. i was lathering up with Body Shops’ Africa Spa Salt Scrub. [i have the whole range! yumm!]  good songs were playing on the radio, the radio in the bathroom. haha. the only radio in the house after the portable stereo suddenly conked out two months ago. sad thing is, this little transistor radio has had one too many accidents itself, so the best reception it can get is when it’s in the bathroom. not that i’m complaining bt that. music in the shower is great! especially with the backdoor leading from the bathroom/laundry to the backyard wide open and the morning sun and breeze streaming in. besides, the backyard’s separated from a childcare centre by a high wooden wall/fence so there’s always chuckles [and screams] to be heard. and after my shower i hung out the clothes to dry with melisa. i actually like hanging the clothes on the clotheline! there’s something zen abt it.  ah, zen. i miss adam, the buddhist Hungarian reformist/activist friend of mine who has moved to Wales for good. must meet up someday… someday when i get to tour Europe.

i’m wondering if i shd lay off the painkillers. see, on the one hand, Panadeine which contains codeine, works great for me. on the other, i always feel like crap the immediate days following those which i have had to consume it. admittedly, i take more than two at the first gulp. and one for almost every hour after. but otherwise, it’s just as good [or bad] as taking the other stuff which so. don’t. work.

having had to cram neuroscience facts and figures for the past 2+ years, i know it’s just minor withdrawal symptoms due to chemical changes in my brain. not that i’m genuinely depressed or anything like that. but it can be pretty hard to climb out of when i fall into the abyss. usually, here at least, i get out of the house… or immerse myself in my work. and by night, i’d be ok. or too tired.

last summer in Singapore, with no job or anything ‘concrete’ to do, i just lied in bed and stared at the ceiling. for days. and i’d swallow more pills even though there was no more pain. one day, i was sobbing away for no reason so i took half a boxful of the pills–not thinking that it’d actually help but who said i was thinking straight anymore anyway? my mum came into the room to make me get up. first she asked. then she scolded. then she pleaded. but i was just curled up under the sheets.

that was crap, i hated that. been feeling a little crap since yesterday too but it’s been manageable… just trying to concentrate on my assignments and stuff, which is really useful. anyway… i’ve only taken a couple of pills on Monday and none since. so i’m pretty sure i’ve got things under control  =) i’ve long come to the realisation that i’ve got to figure something out with any painkiller that works since it’s either a cope-able [yeah, i'm inventing that word.] dependence or days of vomiting, fainting, cold sweats, incoherence and simply writhing and wishing i’d just shrivel up and die.

just for trivia: if you put a good enough number of Panadeine pills in water, strain away the residue and drink the substrate, you’d get high! that’s coz codeine, the methylated form of morphine, is heaps more soluble than paracetamol… or aspirin or acetaminophen for that matter. not that i’ve tried.

in other news, i’m truly annoyed with the Australian news in general. forgive the really bad pun. papers like The Age and The Australian, though not entirely impartial, are alright but the news on TV…. wtf?! they seriously need to review what’s important and what’s not. how does kylie minogue’s speculated engagement or frozen chickens falling into a couple of backyards in a suburb qualify as prime news? seriously people. the chicken story, btw, included interviews with people from all walks of life. the layman’s opinion if the fiasco were a prank by some juveniles or a result of a raid by several local crows and magpies on a nearby abatoir was apparently really, really crucial.

there are days when i watch the news when more bad news from the Middle East plus the images of Bush and his minions just want to make me yelp and throw my hot tea at the TV screen. but i do wanna know how Aceh and the other areas hit by the tsunami are doing 3 months after, for example. but what do they show? minute-by-minute footage of Mary Donaldson’s visit and some MP who found a son he’d put up for adoption 27 years ago. [only he recently found out thru DNA paternity testing that it was a case of mistaken identity. after all the hu ha.] i actually miss watching Channel News Asia. i miss National Geographic and the Discovery Channel. urgh… i miss cable TV! the geek that i am, i love documentaries. really, i LOVE them. i wanna go home!

and the sap that i am, i miss watching Oprah with my mum. i miss teasing her coz she watches Days of Our Lives. and i miss watching the Travel and Adventure Discovery Channel. and i miss Suria. i miss making fun of Mats and Minahs with my sis! i miss bugging her… i miss my dad who still thinks i’m 12… and my baby sis and my brother and my grandpa and my grandma and my aunts and my uncles and my munchkins of little cousins… i miss friends that i seem to have known all my life.

how my mind flits from one topic to another i could never control.

that’s my current desktop wallpaper. i took the shot at the strawberry farm i went to with my family when they all visited last november. i feel like ice cream now. i want ice cream and i want it NOW!  =P

well, i really hope i finish my assignments by tonight. it’s my BNS3031 and BNS3041 exams i’m more worried about and i need to get to asap. third year, elia!!! gotta work harder than this!!!

this.

note to self: rent DVD

while trying to digest an ungodly number of journal articles on prenatal neuron migration and its effect on postnatal brain function [or disfunction...] the most bizarre thoughts and desires come to mind.

update on
my assignments: minimal progress. ah well.

those who
are off to Baxter have left as of this morning. i think. we had a
dinner/get-together on Monday night which was aight. it was great to see
them =) as always, but i was just, a little… subdued. partly due to lack of
sleep the night before. the food was GREAT. music and conversation were
good. heh… suddenly the story aamer shared comes to mind. during o-week, some
rude, racist guy from the Liberal Club verbally assaulted him, calling him a
nigger in the midst of the abuse. anyway, aamer was telling us how, about a
week ago, he was getting a lift from adel’s dad and in the car, adel mentioned
the incident to his dad. the old man, with his thick indian accent [he's sri
lankan], responded, "those buggers! tell them! when they come here, they were
convicts with chains… at least when we come, we come here with
briefcases!" hahahaha! what the??! i’m not ok with irrational insensitive
overgeneralisations on either sides but… it was just the way it was said.
some things in life just have to be taken with a sense of humour.

went to see Constantine wiith the girls earlier that day. it was so-so. i mean, how can i take the movie
seriously when keanu reeve’s character was giving the Devil the finger while
he’s rising to heaven? aaanyway, i like the effects. not totally blown away
though–similar ones already seen in LOTR and Harry Potter.

i’d be
much more inclined to recommend Hitch. feel-good, funny, date movie. caught it
with Ridwan on Sunday, he loves it! i’m loving eva mendes’ clothes in that show.
of course that may be due to the fact that she’s got a hot bod to make anything
she wears look good. aaaand, i’m also loving both her character’s apartment as
well as will smith’s. amber valetta’s pretty but not as gorgeous as i remember
her to be. i rmbr having a shot of her [which i must've cut out from some
magazine] on the back page of my notebook when i was in secondary school. yes,
i used to thing she was THAT good-looking. maybe it’s her name as well. amber
valetta. has that ring to it. that glam ring.

in any
case, what i really wanna watch though, is Hotel Rwanda. i’ll probably have to
go to Nova at Lygon Street to catch it. juan said that it’s $5 on Mondays… so now i’m considering if i
shd go watch it next Monday so i wont have to pay the usual $11. but the
mid-sem break wld’ve ended by then. hmn.

i also want to watch Batman Begins. and Sin City. ah. sigh.

went to Munirah’s open house yesterday evening. looking at her photo albums made me miss family and friends in Singapore so much! =( it’s always like that… me missing people in
Singapore when i’m here… and missing Melbourne and Ridwan and friends here
when i’m there. truth is, i dont even have a straight answer to give when people
ask where i’ll be next year… or where i’ll settle down… anyway, enough of
that! i got back my Missy Higgins EP from Mun and borrowed her Missy Higgins
album! listening to it now… i love this girl’s soulful voice. and her
lyrics… she’s quite a poet.

spent
more than five hours facing a wall yesterday. well, actually, i was in pain. so
i took codeine and made a collage of postcards on the wall–physical and
psychological management. i like the wall now. but i’m thinking of replacing
one of the postcards with a picture of Melisa, Hikmah and myself.

there’s a
party at kgapo’s place tonight. i’ll just drop by… dont think i’ll stay for
that long.

i feel
like making bread and butter pudding again. we brought it to my aunt’s place
last weekend. but this time round, i really wanna put raisins in the pudding.
there’s still cake in the fridge from Sunday–Death by Chocolate. seriously,
it’s a little piece of heaven of a chocolate cake. it’s soOOooo ggOOooooOOd. i
bought that.. and a Malteser cake and a Bananarama cake. i’m sure there are
quite a number of places that sell good cake even within Crown itself… but
this place is worth trying out [unfortunately i can't remember the name...] the slices are humungous.

you know you’re hooked on blogging when you do it at your aunt’s place at ten in the morning before brekky… before making your bed… heck, before brushing your teeth even. yup, speaking in third person out of guilt here… today’s just sunday but *damn!* does it feel like ages since we arrived [Friday]. not that that’s necessarily a bad thing of course. at least i’m still entertaining that false sense of security that i have aaaaalll the tiiiime in the wooorrrrrld to do my assignments at the end of the week. yup. disillusioned as always.

hikmah’s in the shower and melisa’s still sleeping. my aunt’s making chapati for brunch. aizad’s sleeping. shahirah’s at work. my uncle’s… somewhere in the house…….

stay-overs at my aunt’s place are characterized by eating, M’sian entertainment mags, Hindi movies and heaps more eating. speaking bt the mags, the heartlessly wicked side of me absolutely gets the kicks reading the pages in which these poor souls put themselves up for some penpalling. to start with, some of them send in the oddest pictures of themselves… like, posing *seriously. posing…* next to a motorbike or in a pool or at the doorway… and then under "hobby" they list: "membaca dan berkenalan" [reading and meeting people] since when does meeting people count as a hobby?! some of them get a little creative and add things like "berkaraoke dan memasak" [karaoke-ing and cooking!?] on top of the all-important "membaca dan berkenalan". ohmygawd…. tak boleh angkat lah. well, at least they’re honest lah uh.

we werent watching Hindi movies yesterday though. we were watching the whole season of Singapore Idol from the auditions right up to the Top Six. we got too sleepy so Top 5 to Grand Finals will have to wait till we get back to Clayton. it’s the second time i’m watching the whole season on DVD. btw, how delectable is Haizad Imram?!?!!! he cant sing all that well [when he was singing This I Promise You, i rmbr thinking how much i'd enjoy the performance if the TV were on mute.] and he’s more of a SNAG than i can handle but he’s yumm. and that benjamin eio’s so charmingly handsome too– ooh that SMILE! and, i’m pretty smitten by daphne. SHE shd be in the finals with taufik. she’s such an entertainer. and she’s so. darn. cute!

in other news, i went to Springvale with my cousin yesterday. she got her hair straightened. so i got mine cut. entirely on impulse. i love it though. it’s really short and choppy and messy but i loike!  =)

i’m reading a book right now that i chanced upon in the library. i’ve never even heard of it–entirely because i’m not up-to-date, no reflection on the book’s calibre whatsoever–but it’s turning out to be a really good read! i’ll bring it when i meet Ridwan later… he wants to do some musical arrangement so we can sit at one of Melbourne’s many parks, him with his guitar, me with my book. ah, really looking forward to that….

okie, breakfast is served and my tummy’s rumbling.

so much for shopping *pffft* i’m in the faculty comp lab doing my assignment [well, i'll get back to it once i've gotten rid of the itch to blog anyhow.] but it’s entirely voluntary and in good humour so it’s okie  =)  and no, it’s not the same assignment. that one’s already handed in. this one’s not due till… well.. quite some time, actually.

i had just one lecture today but really, been spending most of the morning running a couple of errands. but by lunch i was *ah! come to think of it, there has been some shopping!* walking around, ogling at the stuff the stalls at the on-campus flea market are selling.

i saw a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous dark green velvet jacket. $69.
i saw a pretty, pretty, pretty knee-length knit jacket. $35.
i saw a nice, nice, nice brown jumper. $25.

yumm. but a tad overpriced for a flea market i reckon. of course there were cheap(er) stuff, my eyes just happen to gravitate to those ones. darn eyes.

i’m so happy that it’s the Easter break. though i’ve got heaps of assignments and studying and reading to do. but who doesnt yeah? as it is, i lugged home my brick concrete slab of a textbook from the library yesterday.

i’m DEFINITELY going out, chilling and catching a couple of movies some [if not most, heh] days but.

aaaand.. i’ve been wanting to spend a day at Williamstown just walking around, eating gelato and reading. and soaking up the sun. probably this sunday since it’s forecasted to be 25 degrees.

hey. life needs balance.

am currently

-intrigued by much of what i’m studying [i said "wow" really loudly during lab just now and got a couple of stares. d'oh!]

-addicted to Werther’s Original Toffees AND Werther’s Original Candy

-drinking at least one mug of warm, honey-sweetened camomile tea per day

-rushing to complete an assignment so i can go shopping tomorrow

-off Idol, just aint doing it for me no more

it’s a gorgeous 21 degrees outside, bright happy sun and a cool cooool breeze. such a pretty day.

i cried watching Queer Eye for The Straight Guy last night–the straight guy in the episode and his wife were renewing their wedding vows after almost 30 years. it was so damn sweet! their daughter was the celebrant. i tend to cry during reality TV, believe it or not, particularly when i see pple in them cry. such a dofus, i know. remember the episode of Amazing Race when this girl was unrolling and unrolling and unrolling bales and bales of hay to search for the clue thingey… night fell, she’d been rolling for hours but still no luck. anyway, when asked by the host later what kept her going on, she said she knew how much it meant to her teammate/best friend [or was it sister??] so she didn’t wanna be the one quitting… awwww *sniff* so sweet!

by the way, speaking of tearjerking moments, i’m loving Girl by Destiny’s Child. Especially the scenes in the music video in which Beyonce, Michelle and Kelly are sitting around a table at a restaurant. ah, lovely, lovely…

aaaaanyway, i’m so so so glad Queer Eye is back! esp since they’re taking Desperate Housewives off for these three weeks, damn Channel 7. but i’ve got the OC on tuesdays! and Medium + My Wife and Kids on Wednesdays! and Raymond on Thursdays! i call them all dinner TV  :)   love the mystery and intrigue in Medium but love the relationship btwn Alison DuBois and her husband even more. her husband-as-depicted-in-the-series is soooooooooo nice! who wldnt want a husband/marriage like that?

in other news, there’s a whole debate going on about whether women can be the imam–triggered by the recent incident of a woman leading a mixed-gender congregation in New York. been a really hot topic amongst the MUIS kids. we were talking bt it during Sha’s farewell dinner and when i checked my email just now *whoooooaaa!* everyone’s sent in their 2cents worth to the mailing list plus articles… heaps of articles. google it, or drop me a msg if u’re interested, i’ll fwd the articles.

i love google. i google everything.

should i go to Baxter [Port Augusta] this Easter? i look at what’s stopping me and it’s part cost, part assignments, part how i rmbr it making me depressed and cynical for at least a month after…. and i think what a selfish biatch! urgh. i dunno… and i really shd get back to Shanti so she and Shen can send in the Visitor Forms.

[btw, hikmah and hanna, if you girls are reading this, i keep on forgetting to tell you's but our dears Sherenthi Narayanasamy and Josh Taafe got together!!!!]

alright. i’m now gonna go do the research for my neuroscience portfolio. which i hvnt even decided on a TOPIC for! being the procrastinator that i am. wish me luck. we hv a discussion session in two hours.

i was so tired after my test on saturday!!!!! was suppossed to attend a talk by Mr Anwar Ibrahim but i just cldn’t be stuffed anymore.  mind you, the paper was from 8 to 6, with an hour lunch break, so i think i have a right to whine juuuuust a little… i came back and had something to eat. but i must’ve knocked out on the couch. the next thing i knew i woke up confused coz the whole house was quiet. no wonder, i saw it was 2:45am when i switched on the lights. i poured myself a glass juice from the fridge since the last thing i remembered dreaming was me drinking juice. i poured myself a second glass and put the glass filled with juice back into the fridge–i figured it was a really ridiculous thing to do, drowning myself in juice in the middle of the night.

my dreams usually are ridiculous. ridwan and hikmah will be among those who’d attest to that. once i dreamt that i was rolling down the stairs [as though it was a perfectly normal way to get down the stairs]. i remember thinking, in my dream, that this was one nonsensical thing i didnt want to continue being a part of. so i woke up.

yesterday was a good day anyhows. i woke up pretty late–elevenish. i was dreaming that, melisa’s tv cld receive the malaysian channel TV1 and i was watching a show that was on… each time i felt myself about to wake i willed myself to get back to sleep so i cld continue watching the show. the day proceeded with some grocery shopping… lunch at the Kebab place [beautiful weather, everyone was sitting outside]… cooking… and then Sha’s farewell dinner at my place. twas a good evening =) i made sambosas and vegetarian spring rolls [with lots of help from the darling girls...] it was the first time i tried my hand at the spring rolls, pretty surprised [and relieved] it turned out rather well!

woke up this morn from a seriously spooky dream though. my late grandmother came over to my place [here, in Melb] bringing the corpse of my cousin who had drowned. i’m gonna call home later to ask abt my cousin–not that i’m superstitious or anything, but u never know. anyway, in my dream, my cousin was already washed and wrapped up in white cloth the way we do it in Islam. my grandmother said they needed rest… so i let her sleep on Hikmah’s bed while the dead body was resting on mine.

other than that weird start, i’m pretty sure that the rest of my day’s gonna be ok. to start with it’s the INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR THE ELIMINATION OF RACIAL DISCRIMINATION, so there’s stuff going on on campus… aaaaanndd Ridwan’s dropping by! yay! he just did on Friday but i miss him to bits already.

[ i hv no idea why the font has just shrunk itself at the end of my last paragraph.]

i’m not exactly the most graceful or intelligent of God’s creatures so i’ve definitely had my unenviable share of cringeworthy episodes. i’ve tripped, fallen, hitched a skirt… i especially tend to say the most heinous things at the most dreadful time… oh God, you name it. i’m cringing now.

and yesterday i added one more to the list–friendster sent an email to everyone about this blog! i know a blog’s meant to be read but… admittedly i’m not THAT close to ALL my contacts. urgh. darn. i vaguely rmbr clicking on something which i [in my rush] interpretted as it being made VIEWABLE to my contacts. *groan* i’m honestly quite quite embarrassed.

but well. it’s not that bad.

i fell in front of a lecture theatre once… and you know how when these things happen suddenly the world is in slow motion? it was exactly like that. i heard a collective GASP from the audience behind me. then, absolute silence for what i swear must be at least 5 whole seconds. i dont know what i was thinking but i actually ungracefully stood up and yelled "i’m ok!" i got an applause.

there was another time, i came in late for a lecture and the nearest available seat was one right in front, in the corner, next to the wall. i decided to climb over the barrier to get to it… that didnt go very well. i felt at least 200 pairs of eyes on me. while i struggled, the lecturer asked "will you be ok?" "please dont look at me!" i, in a voice fully audible to everyone, impulsively cried out. what kind of idiot does that? urgh.

oh, and another time, i was in the uni library, working at the computer and the librarian comes into the section to announce that they were closing in fifteen minutes. you know how when you’re engrossed in your work sometimes and your mum calls you to come to dinner and you yell out that you’ll be there in a minute? i yelled out, in the library "yup! i’ll be done in a minute!"

why do these things happen?

i knew this was coming… sooner or later Friendster’s bound to have a blog component. and muchly muchly on impulse i’ve subscribed to it! =) of course, as it is i hvnt even updated my photoblog for aaAAages.

i can’t wait for this wkend. i’ve got this major exam this Saturday but once that’s over i can finally b-r-e-a-t-h-e. as it is, my revision (?) has been dampened by my immobility and pain at the beginning of this mth. k, for those of you who don’t already know, i just got off crutches on Monday. i’m still supposed to be on them, apparently, according to the doctor, but! I HATE THEM!

you know, when i was a kid, i always thought it was real cool to hop along on crutches. but then, when i was a kid i thought being a customs officer or a cashier was great fun coz u get to play with the-ink-stencil-stamp-thing or the-cash-register-that-goes-ting! all day. ah. what did i know? i was so stupid then.

anyway, the news is, i’m off crutches [not without some discomfort seriously bordering on pain] since i DESPERATELY need to move faster btwn libraries and lecture theatres.

which brings me to the point that i have a lecture in 5 mins. heh. shall go print my notes now and RUN.

gawd. i have major priority issues, obviously.